


I See La Vie en Rose

by coolcrocs



Series: i met god at the dog park (hlvrai deities au) [1]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gods & Goddesses, Beginnings and Ends, Cell Phones, Character Death, Evil cults, Found Family, Half-Life VR But the AI is Self-Aware, Happy Ending, Immortality, M/M, Major Character Undeath, Mortality, Mutual Pining, Past Character Death, Possession, Soda, Temporary Character Death, Trans Character, are a weirdly recurring thing, benrey and gordon have a lil bit of relationship development, but they're both pre-established while tommy and darnold are get together, everyone is the trans character i have decided?, frenrey and boomer are more background this is sodashipping time, they will still have Major Moments don't get me wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:27:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 27,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25582834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolcrocs/pseuds/coolcrocs
Summary: Dating when you're a centuries-old god is nearly impossible. At least, Tommy thought it was, and then he met Darnold.---Quand il me prend dans ses brasQu'il me parle tout basJe vois la vie en roseIl me dit des mots d'amourDes mots de tous les joursEt ça m'fait quelque chose
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life), Tommy Coolatta/Darnold
Series: i met god at the dog park (hlvrai deities au) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1901581
Comments: 163
Kudos: 313
Collections: Key Enjoyed





	1. The Day It Starts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternate title is "i met god at the dog park (he's into dudes)"

In the sky, but not in the sky you look at. Although still a sky that watches over us. Atop a floating cloud, marble walkways connect buildings and stairways, homes and meeting rooms. During a typical day, it would be a flurry of activity, with divine beings scurrying all about to attend to the world’s business as well as their own.

But now it is early, and things are quiet.

Tommy, the God of Discovery and various other things, is vaguely aware of Sunkist whining, but he can’t find it in himself to start the day yet. Cracking his eye open just a smidge tells him it’s way too early to be waking up just yet.

“Sun-Sunkist,” he slurs, still half-asleep. “Come back to bed. It’s not time to get up.”

As the most perfect dog—a religiously proven fact—Sunkist can make her own decisions. She decides _not_ to listen to Tommy, instead getting right in his face and huffing at him. Tommy groans as he rolls over to get away from her.

“Sunkist, no!” he says. “It’s too early!”

Sunkist must be in a mood, because she still doesn’t back down. She jumps onto Tommy’s bed, which is super easy when you’re a dog with wings, and paws at his face.

Tommy’s awake now.

“Okay, okay.” Tommy sits up, which Sunkist takes as an opportunity to press her face into his chest. Tommy runs his hands through her fur as he speaks. “I get it. You’re feeling- you’re getting antsy.” He frowns. “I kind of am too.”

Sunkist starts wagging her tail, as though on top of all of her other amazing traits, she’s psychic and knows exactly what Tommy’s about to say. Well, when you know someone for almost five hundred years, you do tend to get to know them like that, even if one of you is a dog.

“Let’s have an- an us day, today. We’ll head down to Earth and you can play with the dogs?” Tommy can’t keep his smile back as Sunkist jumps up and barks, her tail going a mile a minute.

He’s gonna have to warn her to be careful, though. He really doesn’t want anyone to notice they’re leaving and tag along. Because as much as they all need to destress right now, Tommy isn’t sure he’d be able to hang around any of them without it turning into a rant about how high stakes everything is right now, and he doesn’t need that.

Just some peace and quiet in the park with Sunkist will do.

☆○☆○☆

Tommy only tells his dad where they’re going, because out of all of them, he knows that his dad won’t come with him. Not out of any parental distance, or anything! Tommy would be real stupid if he thought his dad hated him. But "us days" technically used to include him too, and the last one they went on together was well over two-hundred years ago.

To say things have been tense upstairs is a bit of an understatement.

But it's a good day today! After a tasty breakfast, they dropped down in their favorite city, and so far they're blending in fine. No cute wings or otherworldly glow. It's a bright and sunny day, so as soon as they enter the park, Tommy unhooks Sunkist's leash and let's her run free.

As for Tommy, the first thing he does is collapse onto an empty park bench. While he'd normally love to watch Sunkist, the chance to just chill out after the week he's had is too tempting to pass up. Besides, Sunkist is a good girl, Tommy trusts her. He hasn't had much time to be alone with his thoughts, not with everything. Tommy just counts himself lucky that his domains are a little more passive than some of the others. The thought of having even _one_ of Gordon's domains makes him want to tear out his hair.

Speaking of, Tommy's almost sure that Gordon's started to notice he dodges him when he heads down to Earth, and the reason why is pretty obvious. As much as Tommy loves hanging out with Joshua for a day, his trips down are the only way he can clear his head these days.

Tommy hears a familiar bark from Sunkist.

Oh no.

Sunkist is staring right up at a stranger, wagging her big goofy tail and very clearly eying his… can of soda. But she keeps looking back at Tommy and then barking at the man again.

“Oh, um,” the man stammers. “N-nice dog?” He tries to take a step back, but Sunkist follows.

“Sunkist!” Tommy shouts, rushing over and pulling his dog back. “What are you- what are you doing?”

“Oh, is she your dog?”

Tommy looks up at the man, and goodness, he _wants_ to apologize, but the words get all jumbled up in his head the second they make eye contact. Because Tommy is positive that if he didn’t know for a fact that angels weren’t real, he would think he had just laid eyes on one.

Did it just get hotter out, or something?

“I’m… so sorry, for her,” Tommy manages to say. The more he speaks, the easier it gets. “She’s usually a good- a good dog! I don’t know what she was doing?”

The man seems to relax a little, now that Tommy’s holding Sunkist back. “Oh, it’s- she didn’t jump on me or anything, it’s fine!” He pauses for a moment. “She’s big, isn’t she?”

Tommy’s heart stops, because this cute guy is making casual conversation with him. He gulps down his anxiety and puts on his friendly face.

“Yeah, she’s always been pretty- pretty big.” Tommy stands, but he keeps a finger looped through Sunkist’s collar just in case. It isn’t a surprise that he’s actually taller than this man, considering he towers over most people. "I, uh, see you have a soda there."

Out of all the culinary developments Tommy's been alive for, soda has got to be the best. It’s so bubbly and sweet, how could he _not_ love it?

But the way this guy’s eyes light up when he asks about his soda makes Tommy’s heart do somersaults.

“Yeah,” he smiles, and DANG if he doesn’t have a good smile! “I was just taking a break from my work, and I thought getting outside would do me good.”

And they keep talking! Tommy has never, _ever_ spoken to anyone like this. He can’t stop smiling at this guy, and all they’re doing is sitting on a bench together and rambling about soda! None of the others can keep up with him when he does that, but the total stranger is actually making intelligent additions to this conversation!

Sunkist alternates between running around with other dogs and sitting by Tommy’s feet. She even sits by the other guy once and licks his hand, which almost makes Tommy melt. But eventually, she starts nudging Tommy’s leg.

“Oh Sunkist!” Tommy gasps. “How long have we- we been here?” He whips out his phone (perk of godhood, you can get a free phone easily. Tommy finds certain parts of the internet entertaining), seeing that it’s been _three hours_ since he touched down.

That’s, uh, not good!

“I’m- I’m really sorry to cut this short!” Tommy explains. “It was nice meeting you, but I, um-”

The man shrugs, but he’s clearly hiding disappointment. “It’s, uh. It’s fine. I should honestly get back to work.”

No! Fuck! Wait! He can’t let this guy get away! Tommy quickly opens his contacts and shoves his phone into his hands.

“Put your number in!” Tommy can hear the anxiety creeping into his voice. “That- that way we can hang out again sometime!”

The slight tilt of the corner of the man’s mouth does wonders for Tommy’s mood. It’s not long before he hands Tommy his phone back, now with the addition of one new contact.

“Okay thank you I’ll- I’ll see you again sometime!” Tommy shouts as Sunkist begins to drag him away with her leash. He waves, and the man waves back.

“I’ll see you later!”

☆○☆○☆

Tommy arrives back above with a dejected sigh. He let today’s work pile up too much, and he can already feel himself about to pay the price for that. He lets Sunkist off her leash, and just as he’s about to make his way back to his residence, he hears a voice.

“Hey Tommy.”

He turns around, and yeah, there’s Benrey. The God of Chaos is holding the three-year-old Joshua in his arms. Normally Tommy would be happy to see the two of them, but the fact that Benrey was obviously waiting for him here? Not a good sign.

“Hey Benrey,” Tommy replies. “I was just about to get to work for the day.”

“Yeah, um,” Benrey pauses. “Gordon wants you to watch Joshua.”

There it is.

“I mean- Benrey, I still have work to do today!” Tommy protests.

Benrey doesn’t seem at all phased. He forces Joshua into Tommy’s arms. “Alright, see you later kiddo,” he smiles at Joshua.

“Bye bye Daddy!” Joshua waves as Benrey walks away.

“Hey, Joshie.” Tommy smiles at him, or at least tries to.

“Hi Uncle Tommy!”

Well, hopefully Sunkist will be able to take care of Joshua while Tommy works. She practically treats him like her puppy anyway, so they should be fine. He pulls out his phone while the three of them make their way to Tommy’s house.

Specifically, he looks at the new contact.

_Darnold Pepper._

That’s a good name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there! i hope you like this!
> 
> look at my tumblr  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	2. Texts From Heaven, Today!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy texting moments.

_Tommy: Hey there! It’s me, the guy from the park. I didn’t introduce myself yesterday, so my name’s Tommy :)_

With a sigh, Tommy places his phone back down on his desk. It took him ten minutes to come up with that text, but now that it’s finally done, he can focus on today’s work! He picks up a paper, ready to get started on reading some prayers.

After two seconds of reading, Tommy’s phone buzzes. He has to physically stop himself from reaching out for it because he already fell behind on work yesterday. If he lets himself get distracted today, things might get a little fucky down on Earth.

But… what if it’s Darnold?

Just the thought of that is enough to convince Tommy to check.

_Gordon Freeman: [Image Attachment]_  
_Gordon Freeman: [Image Attachment]_  
_Gordon Freeman: [Image Attachment]_

Tommy doesn’t have to check to know that they’re all pictures of Joshua. Every so often Gordon spams them all with Josh pics, and while Tommy loves the kid, he’d rather drop in for a visit than have his phone blown up. He sees Joshua practically every day, the cloud they live on isn’t that big!

Dang, he regrets teaching everyone how to use phones.

While Tommy’s clearing his notifications, another message comes in.

_Darnold Pepper: Hi Tommy!_  
_Darnold Pepper: How are you doing?_

Ack! Tommy feels a heart attack coming, and he’s technically immune to those!

_Tommy: I’m doing good! :D Getting some work done. What about you?_

While Darnold types out his reply, Tommy looks back to the prayer he’s received. It’s just a kid who wants help finding their lost pencil. He can’t help but smile a little at that. With a kiss (not a necessary step, but Tommy likes to think it adds a little extra luck), Tommy folds the paper. It begins to glow as he drops it out his window, down towards the Earth.

_Darnold Pepper: That’s good to hear! I’m actually also supposed to be doing work, but then you texted me!_

All the prayers serve to do is add a little bit of luck. Increases your odds. There’s no way Tommy can get through every prayer that comes in on any given day, but he supposes that’s how the system balances itself out.

_Tommy: Oh, I didn’t mean to bother you! You can get back to work, and we can text later :(_

Tommy reads another prayer. Someone wants to find their way to the cloud. No. Denied. Mortals aren’t allowed up here for a reason. He balls the paper up and tosses it aside, secure in the knowledge it will disappear once tomorrow begins.

_Darnold Pepper: You’re not bothering me!_  
_Darnold Pepper: Actually, do you want to hear about what I’m doing? It sounds weird, but talking to you yesterday actually helped._

That’s not surprising, though it was unintended. People tend to take Tommy’s title as God of Discovery quite literally, though anyone who does their research into the Gods would know that his power tends to extend a little bit into the metaphorical and intangible, such as inspiration and research.

_Tommy: Go ahead! I’m reading your texts between tasks. :)_

_Darnold Pepper: Okay._  
_Darnold Pepper: You know how we talked about soda yesterday?_  
_Darnold Pepper: Well I want to make one. But it’s going to be really special!_  
_Darnold Pepper: See, I have a background in potion-making, and I think soda is great. So I thought, why not combine them?_  
_Darnold Pepper: The hard part is mostly figuring out how to get a good taste AND a good effect._

Tommy’s eyes are blown wide, but honestly he feels it’s justified.

_Tommy: Are you serious!?_

_Darnold Pepper: Is it a bad idea?_

_Tommy: No! It’s amazing! It’s an incredible idea!_  
_Tommy: Using alchemy in sodas could be so useful! Like if you’re really tired after working out! Or if you spend a late night working! :D_  
_Tommy: How has nobody thought of this before? Regular potions taste like crap!_

_Darnold Pepper: Well, that’s the hard part._

Hard part, huh? Tommy has a feeling he can help with that.

_Tommy: Do you ever, um…_  
_Tommy: Ask people for help?_

_Darnold Pepper: Oh! Er._  
_Darnold Pepper: Not really. I don’t know a lot of people who COULD help, you know?_  
_Darnold Pepper: Sometimes when I start the day, I pray? It sounds kind of weird, but praying to the God of Discovery kind of makes me feel like I might get it today?_

Praying to…

Darnold’s been praying to _Tommy_? Aw, dang. Tommy can feel his entire face heat up. He even knows he can pray to him for ideas!

_Darnold Pepper: Sorry, that’s stupid._  
_Darnold Pepper: Wait. Were you asking to help me?_

Tommy’s too flustered to even think about what he says next.

_Tommy: Yes!_  
_Tommy: And it’s not stupid! >:(_

_Darnold Pepper: Well, I mean…_  
_Darnold Pepper: It hasn’t really gotten me anywhere._

Oh this guy! Tommy’ll show him! All he has to do is… ignore everyone else in the whole world and sort through his giant pile of prayers until he finds Darnold’s. Which he knows for a fact the others will chide him for.

Hm.

“Sunkist!” Tommy calls out, and he can hear her stir downstairs. Then, the sound of her scaling the stairs that wind around their tower-like residence, and finally, she makes her way to the top floor, Tommy’s workroom.

“Hey, Sunkist.” He pats her head, because she’s a good girl. “You remember- you remember that guy we met yesterday?”

Sunkist does a soft woof, which Tommy knows to be an affirmative.

“Well.” Tommy fidgets with his fingers. Damn it, where did he leave his stim bracelets again? He eyes the pile of prayers, an ever-growing stack of paper. “Do you think you could find his prayer in here for me?”

Sunkist looks at the papers in the center of the room. Then she looks back at Tommy.

“Please?”

Sunkist doesn’t move.

Tommy sighs. “We’ll- we’ll go to the nice pet store we like. And I’ll get you a new chew toy! A- a big one!”

That seems to do it for her. Sunkist begins sniffing around the pile, circling a few times before she unexpectedly dives in. Tommy laughs at her, turning back to his phone as he does so.

_Tommy: Anyway_  
_Tommy: Do you want me to help out?_  
_Tommy: I’m not always going to be available :( I have a job and all._  
_Tommy: But! You could say I have “pretty lax hours”_  
_Tommy: So it’ll be often! :)_

Sunkist emerges from the pile with a paper in her mouth. Tommy pets her for a job well-done, taking the paper as Sunkist wags her tail. He also picks up a few that his dog managed to trail behind her, because he really should get back to work.

Tommy reads Darnold’s prayer.

**I pray for the knowledge to make potions taste like something a human could willingly ingest.**

Tommy takes a picture of that, for his own sake. Then, he kisses the paper, folds it, and drops it out of his window. He watches as the shimmering disappears, because… that felt good. Better than almost any other prayer had.

Weird. Tommy was more used to feeling happiness about his luck granting a while after the fact.

_Darnold Pepper: I’d be honored for you to work with me._  
_Darnold Pepper: And don’t worry about scheduling! Just text me when you’re available, and if I’m not making potions, we can at least hang out._  
_Darnold Pepper: :)_

_Tommy: Cool!_  
_Tommy: I REALLY should start working again, haha._  
_Tommy: My coworkers make fun of me when I fall behind :/_

_Darnold: That’s fine! We can start talking again later._  
_Darnold: Oh I just realized._  
_Darnold: What do you do for work, Tommy?_

Crap. Uh.

_Tommy: Just boring office stuff._  
_Tommy: You wouldn’t really be interested._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeey welcome back. this is chill zone. funny how things aren't going downhill yet.
> 
> anyway i have a tumblr  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	3. Recording Scientific Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy and Darnold have a good day together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for cult mention. just from bubby's first dialogue, and they're discussed until the break. if that IS a problem for you, though, i might suggest sitting this fic out

“Do you think we should check those mountains again?”

“Well, when have we ever known them to double back on locations?”

“That’s the point, we haven’t. They’ve changed their patterns before to throw us off.”

“But would they risk discovery like that?”

“It can’t hurt to try.”

Tommy purposefully puts a little more weight into his footsteps, considering whistling a tune just to announce his presence. Anything to avoid the awkward stop to their conversation that will come if they see him before hearing him.

Speaking off, Tommy enters the pavilion that hosts the Viewing Pool, their connection to Earth in more ways than one. The Viewing Pool acts as both a mirror and a transporter, giving them access to most locations on the planet. It’s surrounded by seats for all the Gods, but since there’s no meeting, nobody rests in the chairs. Instead, sitting at the side of the pool are two Gods, Bubby and Coomer. They’re clearly tidying up a few papers.

“Ah, hello Tommy!” Coomer waves, and damn it, even if they’re clearly hiding something from him, Tommy can’t bring himself to feel angry. Growing up, Bubby and Coomer were the only other Gods on the cloud aside from his father (Benrey was on what Gman calls an “extended sabbatical”, though Benrey refers to it as his funny vacation). So what if Tommy feels a little soft for them!

“H-hey guys,” Tommy smiles. “What are you doing?”

“Same as always,” Bubby flicks his fingers, flames appearing between them. Extremely in character for someone who's known to mortals as the God of Fire. “Tracking down cultists.”

Tommy choses to take that as a partial truth, or at least one he doesn’t know the full implications of. Because while the cult was a known threat thousands of years before Tommy was born, he doesn’t actually know what they did to be considered a big deal in the first place. They’re connected to the skeletons, sure, but the most the skeletons have ever done is causwe a little chaos down on Earth. Nothing the Gods hadn’t easily dealt with.

But. The way Coomer places a hand on Bubby’s back when he mentions them. How Benrey’s eyes seem to glaze over at any implication. When Tommy’s dad brushed him off with, “It was before your time. It will never happen again.”

...

Whatever.

Either they tell him or they don’t. Besides, he’s pretty sure Gordon’s in the same boat as him, so at least it seems like it’s more of an age thing than a personal vendetta against Tommy.

“I think- I’m heading down for the day,” Tommy says, desperate _not_ to think about it anymore. “Do you need anything?”

“What do you do down there?” Bubby eyes the empty space next to Tommy. “You’re not even bringing Sunkist!”

Tommy shrugs, because he really doesn’t need them knowing what he’s getting up to. “Just wandering around.”

“Well, he _is_ the God of Discovery, afterall!” Coomer chuckles, Bubby and Tommy smiling along with him. “But… do be careful down there Tommy, alright?” he continues, his tone suddenly grave. “I’ve had a terrible feeling lately.”

"You know we encountered these people in life." Bubby glances towards Coomer. "Trust us, they're no joke."

Hm.

"That's fine," Tommy can't help but get snippy. "I'm stronger now than- than you guys were then."

With that, Tommy turns the pool to the city and drops in, leaving Bubby and Coomer staring.

“Benrey wasn’t strong enough,” Bubby states. His voice is oddly monotone.

Coomer sighs. “Well, who is?”

Neither of them answer. They both know it’s rhetorical.

☆○☆○☆

They’ve been texting for about a week now, so Tommy supposes it’s about time they saw each other face to face again. And when Darnold invited him over to help out with an alchemical experiment, well, Tommy couldn’t think of a single reason he should say no!

It’s become very clear that what was once mild attraction has turned into a full-blown crush. Which is! A lot! Because Tommy’s pretty sure the last time he felt like this was over four-hundred years ago, and there’s a lot of other complicating factors!

But oh boy, if everything Darnold says isn’t a shot of serotonin to Tommy’s brain. He’s just so passionate about his work, Tommy could listen to him ramble for hours. And he technically has, though it was over text. So not necessarily _listening_ , more like reading, but still! Tommy read every single one of those words!

Today was a good day for a visit. Tommy had wrapped up his work early, and though he was exhausted, he had a feeling that wouldn’t matter when he was around Darnold. So with a confident smile, he knocks on the door of Darnold’s apartment.

Darnold answers almost immediately, and he kind of looks winded as he opens the door. “Hey Tommy!” Darnold says, and oh no! He’s got that big smile on his face again! “You’re just in time, I just finished setting everything up!”

He steps aside for Tommy to enter, and wow. Darnold has turned his entire living room into a lab. Stacks of alchemical books are piled around the room, notes are thrown around haphazardly, and there are beakers filled with colorful potions in random places. Tommy would be impressed by his dedication if not for the social implications of such a decision.

“Sorry for the, uh, mess,” Darnold rubs the back of his neck. “I have a system, I swear.”

“It’s- I’ve seen worse messes, don’t worry!” It’s true. The way prayers make their way to the Gods tends to leave them in a messy pile on the floor, a fact Tommy has had to hear Gordon rant about for the better part of two centuries.

Darnold sighs his relief, but in an instant it’s replaced by a sharp look in his eye and an almost smug smile. “Alright! So the experiment!”

The two of them sit on the floor between the couch and the coffee table, where Darnold does most of his potion mixing, Tommy learns. But today isn’t necessarily about potions.

“I just figured out a recipe for a potential flavor syrup,” Darnold explains, leaning his phone against a pile of books. “It shouldn’t alter the effects of a potion, but we still need to do a taste test.”

“Alright.” Tommy smiles, because Darnold’s enthusiasm is infectious. “Wh-what’s with the phone, though?”

“Oh!” Darnold blinks, as if noticing his phone for the first time. “I, er… I like to record my experiments, for posterity. It’s not going up anywhere!” He anxiously scratches the side of his face. “But, um, I don’t have to film if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I was just wondering, I’m- I’m okay with it!” Tommy explains.

Darnold nods. “Okay. After I press record, I’m going to do a little introduction, and then we’ll do the experiment.” He pauses for a moment, and meets Tommy’s eyes. “And, uh. Thanks for offering to help, Tommy. An extra pair of hands goes a long way.”

Tommy feels his face heat up, but before he can say anything, Darnold’s already started the recording.

“This is Darnold Pepper, recording with lab assistant Tommy…” he trails off.

Oh crap, Darnold’s asking for a last name. Tommy’s pretty sure he’s never had one of those.

Tommy panics. “C-Coolatta.”

“Like the drink?”

“There’s no- no relation.”

Darnold shrugs and continues his monologue. “Recording with Tommy Coolatta. Attempting experiment 378-B, Flavored Syrup 6.”

The experiment goes well enough! There aren’t any explosions, Tommy doesn’t accidentally knock something over with his elbow. At the end, they have a reddish mixture as the bottom of a beaker, and a few popsicles to test with. The only problem is the taste.

Darnold’s face sours after a single taste. “O-oh no… this is the worst one yet.”

“What?” Tommy stifles a laugh. “It can’t be- it can’t be that bad!”

“It’s really bad, Tommy. The flavor isn’t going away.” Darnold stands and walks towards his kitchen.

Tommy picks up his own popsicle stick, and the gooey red syrup slowly drips off. Well, red usually means cherry, right? Or strawberry? Those are great flavors! Tommy licks the end of the stick, and…

Oh no.

“Darnold it’s bad!” Tommy shouts, stumbling into the kitchen behind him. “It’s- it’s really bad!”

Darnold is already downing a Fanta, and he slides one towards Tommy. “Damn,” Darnold sighs. “That sucked.”

Tommy cracks open the Fanta, relieved by the orange flavor washing out the literal garbage fire-tasting syrup from his mouth. “Ugh.” He wipes his lips. “That was, um…”

“I’m sorry, Tommy.” Darnold places a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

Physical contact with Darnold causes Tommy’s brain to short-circuit, but other than that he’s fine.

“Y-yeah,” Tommy says. “That was… fun, kind of.”

“Really?”

Tommy nods. “Next time, we’ll, uh… only one of us will try it.”

☆○☆○☆

When Tommy returns home, he expects to find the pavilion empty. After all, he’s been gone for hours now, and there’s no way whatever Bubby and Coomer were doing would last that long. And besides, there are better places to hang out than the Viewing Pool.

But, surprise! Bubby and Coomer are still there, and they’re not alone either. The Gods of Fire and Strength have been joined by the Gods of Chaos and Order, and all four of them have shit-eating grins on their face.

“Uh, hey,” Tommy waves, and Benrey begins snickering. “What’s, um… what’s so funny?”

“Tommy’s got a crush!” Bubby blurts out. Coomer elbows him.

Tommy goes rigid. “What…? W-were you guys watching me?!”

Apparently that’s enough confirmation for everyone else. Coomer pulls Tommy down into a headlock, Gordon begins grilling him for the specifics, Benrey starts cracking jokes, and Bubby is cackling.

Great. Perfect.

Curse this wonderful family!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heya! check my tumblr! i'll answer SOME questions if u have any  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	4. Meet the Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy's got some family.

Out of all the other Gods, Tommy's gotta say, his friendship with Gordon is the most unique. Which isn't a bad thing, necessarily! It's simply that the context in which Gordon knows Tommy is, comparatively, different than the others. 

After all, excluding Joshua, Gordon's the only one who's younger than Tommy. And Tommy’s not sure if Gordon remembers this, but he was the one who took care of Gordon before his ascension was complete. Sure, it was mostly babysitting a glowing orb, but he also had to protect it from Benrey! Who, uh… was not doing so good back then.

Things were good between them. Out of everyone else, Tommy thinks he trusts Gordon the most to be honest with him. At least he knows that Gordon isn't hiding some dark, unholy experience that could threaten their lives!

It's a nice morning. Tommy had been texting on and off with Darnold when he got a message from Gordon, asking if he could come over to take a break. Well, Tommy isn’t one to deny Gordon a break! Which is how Gordon ends up sitting in Tommy’s kitchen with him.

“You know what I miss most?” Gordon asks. “Coffee.”

Tommy raises an eyebrow. “You can- you can still drink coffee.”

That clearly hits a sore spot, because Gordon sighs and slumps over the table. “It’s not… it isn’t the same. I don’t get the same kinda energy anymore.”

“I get energy from most food.”

“But not like you’d get with coffee,” Gordon explains. “You weren’t ever mortal, so coffee never affected you like it’s supposed to. It...” He waves his hand around, trying to find the words. “Regular food keeps you moving, sure, but coffee wakes you up. Energizes. Kinda wish it still worked on me, these days.”

Dang, that sounds good. Tommy lets his shoulders sag. “No- no kidding.”

“But, hey! Speaking of mortality…” Gordon nudges Tommy with an elbow.

“Oh no,” Tommy groans. “Not you too.”

Gordon raises his hands. Or well, his hand and magical substitute for a hand. “I’m just curious! Tell me about him.”

Tommy gives Gordon a look. Gordon smiles back.

“Alright,” Tommy relents. “But you- you can’t go around telling everyone, okay? Promise?”

“I promise not to tell everybody,” Gordon says, and Tommy, like an idiot, trusts him.

Tommy takes a deep breath. “So, um. His name is Darnold.”

☆○☆○☆

It turns out, Gordon takes the first loophole he can find and runs with it. Tommy doesn’t realize until Coomer pokes fun at him for “texting Darnold” that, perhaps, some information has been leaked. So Tommy heads to confront the source, finding Gordon sitting in his home with Benrey and Joshua, the latter of whom are waving cowboy toys at each other on the floor.

“Uh, hey guys,” Tommy says, but he’s quick to get to the point. “Gordon?”

“Hey Tommy, what’s up?” Gordon asks, in a tone that’s a little bit _too_ casual.

“Do you re-remember the _thing_ I told you not to talk about?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Did you- did you talk about it?”

Gordon nods once. “Yeah.”

Tommy feels all the unease in his chest fall away into annoyance. “Why did you do that? You- you promised not to tell anybody!”

“I promised not to tell _everybody_ ,” Gordon counters, and he holds up a finger. “I only told Benrey.”

Benrey pipes up. “I told everyone.”

“Great,” Tommy says, but he’s so annoyed he wants to bury Gordon alive for a decade.

Gordon raises his hands in front of himself. “They all kept asking me, man! I figured if I only told Benrey, then you couldn’t really blame me.”

Tommy shoots a glance towards Benrey. Benrey currently has a small toy cowboy hat in his mouth.

“I- I can totally blame you for this,” Tommy concludes, holding the same tone as a teenager who found their younger sibling had stolen their clothes.

☆○☆○☆

If it had ended with a little bit more knowledgeable teasing, then maybe Tommy would have gotten over it quicker. Or at least, gotten used to it, since he doubted either his crush on Darnold or his family’s relentlessness would be disappearing anytime soon. Tommy can deal with a few jokes and headlocks, he’s been at this for five-hundred years!

But, when accounting for everything they’ve ever done, Bubby and Coomer knock it out of the ballpark when they unexpectedly show up in the middle of Tommy’s walk with Darnold.

Which! Is not! A romantic walk! Tommy just mentioned that he was taking Sunkist on a walk soon, and well, Darnold asked to come along! It’s not romantic if Sunkist is there.

"Hello there, Tommy!" Coomer says, acting as though their meeting were complete happenstance.

"Uh, he-hello Mr. Coomer. Mr. Bubby." Tommy has a feeling he would be a little more coherent if it weren't for the fact Coomer and Bubby have gone planetside for social reasons for the first time in what must be three hundred years.

Coomer continues on despite Tommy’s lost expression. “I must say, it’s quite the coincidence to run into you today! We had no idea you were about.”

“None at all,” Bubby echoes, the lie seeping into the edge of his voice.

“Er, Tommy?” Darnold asks, and it’s enough for Tommy to realize he has to do damage control now.

“Oh! Darnold this- these are my-” Tommy stumbles over his words. “They’re… I’ve known them my-my whole life?”

“You must be Darnold!” Coomer exclaims, as though he didn’t already know that. He holds out a hand, obviously distracting Darnold from some sort of mental calculation he was doing. “Tommy’s spoken so much about you! I’m Coomer, and this is my husband, Bubby.”

Darnold nervously shakes Coomer’s hand, only to feel every single bone in his own be crushed. “It’s… nice to meet you,” Darnold says, trying to play off his pained wince. “Tommy talks about me?”

Tommy can feel his heart rate go through the roof.

“Not with us, really,” Bubby quips. “We’re the old folk. He doesn’t talk to us about this sort of stuff.” He looks right at Tommy as he talks. Before anyone else has a chance to respond, he starts again. “You’re an alchemist, right?”

“Oh, yeah!” Darnold awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “I don’t mean to brag, but I’ve made quite a few interesting potions!”

Bubby rolls his eyes. “Yeah, well. It isn’t _real_ magic, though.”

“Bubby!” Coomer chides.

“I’m just saying!” Bubby says. “As something of a pyromancer, alchemy’s too physical. Too grounded.”

Darnold’s eye twitches. “Too… grounded? Who are you to say _my_ potions aren’t magic enough!?”

Great! Perfect! The ideal scenario that Tommy always knew would happen!

“Me?” Bubby raises an eyebrow. “I’m the greatest pyromancer who ever lived! So, of course, I know a thing or two about magic.”

“You can’t be that good. I’ve never heard of you!”

Bubby cackles. “I’m sure you have.”

Okay, the active antagonizing was one thing, but now Bubby’s getting way too close to the truth for comfort! Not even thinking, Tommy grabs Darnold’s wrist with his free hand and drags him past the old men.

“It was nice seeing you Mr. Bubby and Mr. Coomer but we- we really have to go now bye!” Tommy shouts behind him.

Only after they round the street corner does Darnold look at Tommy and say, “What a rude person.”

Tommy shrugs, falling back into a slower pace. “He’s- he’s always been like that. I think it means he likes you?”

Darnold has that look on his face again, like he’s puzzling something out. Then, he looks back up at Tommy. “So your family likes me?”

☆○☆○☆

All the Gods quickly become common sights whenever Tommy heads down to see Darnold. So far, all the appearances they’ve made have been fairly innocuous, such as “bumping into” Gordon at the coffee shop or “passing by” Benrey on the sidewalk. Darnold’s met all of them, by now, not that Tommy had much of a say in the matter. Well, all but one.

“Hello, Tommy.”

Tommy had been so focused on petting Sunkist, whose head rested in his lap, that he hadn’t heard the footsteps approach him. He smiles as his father sits down next to him.

“H-hey, Dad,” Tommy says.

It’s a pleasant evening. The three of them sit together on the edge of the cloud, and for a moment, Tommy thinks about when he was younger and scenes like this were more common. When the world was a little less scary, or at least, scary in ways that it isn’t now.

They don’t get time like this anymore. Ironic, considering Gman is the God of Time, but true nonetheless. Tommy’s about to lean against him, but his father suddenly speaks up.

“You’ve been. Heading down, to Earth. Recently,” he says, and immediately, Tommy gets what he’s implying.

Tommy sighs. “You… Benrey told you, didn’t he?”

“Yes.” He pauses. “Tommy, I. Trust you to, make… good decisions.”

Here it comes. You can’t, you shouldn’t. He’s a mortal and he’ll die. He could be a cultist and you wouldn’t even know. Don’t give out special treatment, you’re above that.

But the way Tommy’s heart races when the light catches Darnold’s eyes. Or when he realizes how close the two of them are standing and he can’t breathe. Or Darnold’s smile! The most beautiful thing he’s ever seen!

“What you, do with him is. Up to you, but. I will be there, for you, no matter what, you choose.”

Some invisible weight lifts itself from Tommy’s shoulders, because _of course_ Gman wants him to be happy. Even though they’re both so busy right now, his father loves him. Always has.

Tommy rests his head on Gman’s shoulder. He can’t help but feel that, whatever has them all worried, it can’t be too bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was finished last night, but my beta was asleep so.
> 
> writing gman is hard and i hate it how the fuck does this man TALK
> 
> here's my tumblr  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	5. Something About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts about love, risk, and trust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for mentions of an attack. specifics aren't given just alluded to. skip coomer's whole speech if needed

Darnold closes his old notebook with a sigh. “I got nothing. What about you?"

"Uh." Tommy looks down at another notebook. "Potion of taste good?"

The two of them are sat on the floor of Darnold's apartment next to a bookshelf. Sunkist lays next to them, snuggled up next to Darnold and every so often offering him a kiss.

Tommy may be a little jealous of the dog.

"No, that won't work," Darnold laments. "I based some of my first experiments off that one." He sighs and falls against Sunkist, who offers a few happy licks and tail thumps. "What else is in there?"

Tommy flips through a few pages. "Potion of- of levitation?"

"We are _not_ inventing fizzy lifting juice."

"Potion of grapes?"

"That's, er… that's actually really dangerous. It turns things into grapes."

Stifling a grimace, Tommy looks forward in the book until something catches his eye. "Potion of… trans your gender?"

"Oh," Darnold's eyes widen, and he shoots up and snatches the notebook from Tommy. "I'm… I didn't realize that was in there." He hugs the book close to his chest.

"No, I- what does it- it do?" Tommy can't help but ask.

Darnold stammers. "I, uh… when I was younger, I had some _issues_ during surgery, so I wanted-" He takes a deep breath. "I wanted a different option."

The implications of what Darnold says hits Tommy like a train. "That's the- the recipe for a _transitioning_ potion?"

It may be that Tommy’s excitement is contagious, but something seems to assure Darnold, to spur him on. “Yeah! It… it doesn’t work immediately, takes a few doses, but…” He smiles to himself, placing the notebook down between himself and Tommy. “It was one of the first potions I made.”

Tommy’s brain is thrown for another loop, because holy fuck. “ _You_ made this?”

Darnold laughs nervously and rubs the back of his neck. “It’s not _perfect_ , and I should really revisit it one of these days, but it works!” He sighs. “People don’t really like buying potions from strangers online, you know? So the potion of trans your gender didn’t really take off.”

The way Darnold looks towards the ground, biting his lip to stop himself from saying anything more. His complete and utter dejection breaks Tommy’s heart, and without thinking he grabs Darnold’s hands.

“This is the- the most _incredible_ thing I’ve ever heard of!” Tommy says. He pauses before adding, “I wish _I_ had that potion.”

Darnold blinks. “Really?”

With a smile, Tommy nods. “Really.”

They keep reading through the notebooks together. It takes them half an hour to realize that they’re still holding hands, but neither of them say anything.

☆○☆○☆

These days, it’s rare to find Coomer without Bubby right by his side. With the increasing cultist activity the last hundred or so years, the two of them spend most of their time tracking down any camps together. And when they aren’t doing that, they’re probably somewhere being the bane of someone’s existence.

But Coomer’s the one who finds Tommy, sitting upside down in his chair next to the Viewing Pool and staring at the pavilion ceiling. It’s really more of a throne, but Tommy doesn’t care much for it. It’s just a stone that he sits on sometimes.

“Ah, good afternoon Tommy!” Coomer shouts, stopping in front of him. “You know, you’re a little early for the meeting later.”

Right. The meeting. Tommy’s pretty sure he already knows how that one’s gonna turn out.

Tommy shakes his head. “I’m not- I’m thinking.”

“Oh? What about?”

Tommy looks at Coomer, who’s beaming down at him as if something’s funny. And, weirdly, for the first time in his life, Tommy thinks, _‘Maybe Coomer can help me with this’_. He’s so off put by it that he almost doesn’t ask.

Almost.

Tommy swallows his pride. “It’s, uh… You met- met Bubby when you were mortals, right?”

“Oh, what memories!” A twinkle appears in Coomer’s eye, and he sits down next Tommy, leaning against his chair. “Is there a reason you ask?”

“Why did you- how could- even-” Tommy stumbles over himself.

Coomer places a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, even though it’s quite an awkward angle. “Take your time, Tommy.”

Might as well just say it. Tommy sighs. “Mortals _die_.”

In an instant, Coomer’s cheerful smile fades away. “Ah, I see. This is about your boyfriend Darnold, isn’t it?”

“He’s not my-”

“Hush now, Tommy.” Coomer points at Tommy, but quickly his attention is elsewhere. He’s… scanning the area around them. “Good, nobody is here. Dear Bubby would hate it if he knew I told you this.”

Secrets.

Coomer is about to tell Tommy _secrets_.

And just like that, Tommy is sliding out of his chair to sit right next to Coomer, because no way is he missing even a second of this.

“The first time I met Bubby, I was immediately infatuated with him.” Coomer smiles to himself. “You should have seen him in his prime, Tommy. The strongest and most promising mage I had ever met, and for some reason I’ll never understand, he would spend time with _me_! Some random knight, barely any magic to my name…”

His tone shifts, barely. “He would have changed the world, back then, I know it.”

Tommy doesn’t like that.

“There was an… incident, you see,” Coomer chooses his words carefully, but he quickly starts spiraling. “I didn’t hesitate for a moment, I had to save Bubby, but-!” He stops himself. “Sorry, that- you don’t need to hear about that.”

Wouldn’t be the first time Tommy's heard that.

“Bubby was injured. Those fiends,” Coomer mutters the last bit. “They had it out for him after that, in part for revenge. But his magic was never the same He couldn’t defend himself as well as he used to, he-” Coomer pauses. “I chose to stay by his side, and he chose to let me.”

“Uh, I don’t-” Tommy frowns. “I don’t understand.”

“Tommy,” Coomer grabs his hands, and it’s kinda nice. It reminds him of when he was a child. “I knew that staying with Bubby, I may see him hurt, or worse. But I’d been through quite a bit by then, enough to know that I could never forgive myself if I didn’t at least try.” Coomer looks him dead in the eyes. “So try, Tommy.”

Try.

Something flutters in Tommy’s chest, like butterflies. He nods. “Okay. I’ll- I’ll do that. I’ll try.”

☆○☆○☆

Before the meeting, Tommy sent Sunkist off to watch Joshua while the grown-ups talked. Which, Tommy thinks, was an _excellent_ idea, because now neither of them are here to witness the shitshow that is the divide between Gordon and Benrey’s work life and their home life.

“None of you guys tell us _anything_!” Gordon shouts, waving his arms in exaggeration. Unlike everyone else, he’s standing in front of his seat.

Benrey scoffs. “I tell you loads of things.”

“Yeah? Like what!?”

“Liiiiiiiiike… I love you,” Benrey practically sings.

Gordon’s eye twitches. “One of us is heading _down there_ tomorrow, and you won’t even-” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “What did they do that was _so bad_ that society basically got FUCKED two-thousand years ago!?”

A silence hangs over them, a silence so loud it’s basically ringing in Tommy’s ears. He sits up, because maybe, just maybe, Gordon got these nuts to crack.

“Who’s heading down?” Bubby questions, clearly steering the topic away.

Tommy slumps back down in his chair. Of course.

Coomer claps his hands together. “Wonderful question Bubby! I do believe it’s either Gordon or Tommy’s turn.”

“That- you guys,” Gordon tries, but he’s clearly lost his steam. He falls back into his chair.

“I, believe it’s. Tommy’s turn,” Gman says.

Tommy sighs. “I, uh, can’t. I have a- a lunch thing tomorrow.”

“Lunch thing,” Gordon mutters under his breath. Seeing nobody volunteering, though… “Fine. I’ll cover for you. But you’re taking the next one.”

Tommy grins. “Thanks.”

The silence is back. Tommy can feel that everyone’s eyes are on him and Gordon, and it would be uncomfortable if it wasn’t how most meetings ended these days.

“Actually, you know what Tommy?” Gordon slaps his thighs and stands. “I think it’s time to put Joshua to bed. Do you think you could help me convince Sunkist to give him up?”

Tommy can’t hide his disappointment. Why does he let himself get his hopes up everytime that they’ll say something? He should be used to this by now, but it must just be in his nature to desire information.

“Yeah,” Tommy rises from his own seat.

The two of them walk out together. They try to ignore the fact that, once they’re far enough away, they can hear the others start talking again, even if they can’t make out what they’re saying.

“It sucks, man,” Gordon sighs. “I mean, they’ve been doing this ever since I ascended. Were they ever frank with you?”

Tommy shakes his head. “Not- not really. This has been my whole life.”

Gordon laughs, but not in a way that sounds at all happy. “It’s funny. When I first started dating Benrey, I thought, man, finally these guys are gonna tell me stuff! So I’m not just running around blind down there.”

“How’d that- that turn out for you?”

“Benrey and I have been together for thirty years,” Gordon says. “What’s tonight tell you?”

Hm.

Tommy watches his feet as he walks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey plot is kicking up! like dust or some shit
> 
> look, updates might start to get more infrequent. got a concrete date i'm moving into college, classes start in a little more than a month. still love this fic though!
> 
> tumblr  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	6. Twisting Feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy goes out on a lunch date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey. (kisses you passionately)

"What do you think, Sunkist?" Tommy holds up a yellow sweater. "This? Or the pineapple shirt?"

Sunkist doesn’t answer, and it isn’t because she can’t speak. She rolls over in her bed, offering a soft yet firm woof as she does so.

“Sunkist, I- I’m sorry you can’t come today!” Tommy explains, putting the sweater to the side. “Darnold would really like to see you, but the restaurant doesn’t allow dogs!”

Tommy offers Sunkist a few ear scratches as consolation. She leans into Tommy’s hand, practically pinning it below her, but she still does not move from her bed. Well, Tommy didn’t _want_ to tell her this now, but if she’s gonna act so mopey…

“Y-you know, Sunkist,” Tommy lets a little excitement seep into his voice. “Gordon’s heading down for the… to take care of the cult today. And Benrey’s gonna- gonna be really busy.” In her usual adorable way, Sunkist is already wagging her tail. “I thought you could help them with Joshua?”

There’s always been something about Joshua that makes Sunkist love him. Maybe it’s the fact that he was the first baby she ever met, but when Gordon showed Josh to her for the first time, not even ten minutes old, that was it. In that moment, Sunkist recognized a puppy, and as the most perfect dog, she had to protect it.

Sunkist barks as she stands, high-pitched and quick. Her eagerness is both endearing and hilarious to Tommy, who struggles to hold back his laugh.

“Alright, c-calm down!” Tommy chuckles. “You gotta- you gotta help me pick my shirt first, okay?”

☆○☆○☆

To say that Tommy is nervous would be a complete and total understatement. He keeps catching himself tugging at the sleeves of his sweater, or biting his cheek way too hard, or taking his propeller hat off to run a hand through his hair. And hey! Benrey teasing him for his “fancy” look on the way out? Did _not_ help!

Because, look. Darnold is _clearly_ interested in him. Tommy would have to be a fool to miss the fact that, more often than not, when Darnold invites him over, they usually end up talking long after they’re finished running whatever soda experiment was planned. Or that whenever they text, Tommy immediately gets a reply. Or that whenever they meet with each other, Darnold’s smile is so big it reaches his eyes. When they brush hands accidentally and Darnold gets all flustered. When he notices Tommy admiring him and gets all embarrassed.

Which is to say, Tommy is aware that his feelings for Darnold are likely reciprocated. The fact that a _relationship_ with Darnold (the idea almost makes Tommy faint) now actually seems possible, like he shouldn’t and doesn’t have to be worried about his mortality every second…

It’s like a weight’s been lifted. It’s like a chain’s been broken. Something like that.

Tommy is excited! He’s nervous! He’s absolutely terrified!

But he can do this. Tommy balls his fists and hypes himself up. He can do this! He repeats this in his mind as he approaches the restaurant they agreed to meet up at. He can do this! He can do this! He can do this!

Until Tommy actually catches sight of Darnold, who’s waiting for him outside. He’s wearing a sweater vest and a bowtie, and it’s so fucking cute Tommy can feel cardiac arrest.

“Oh, Tommy!” Darnold calls out when he sees him, waving.

"Darnold! Hi!" Tommy greets him. "Why are you- Is the restaurant crowded?"

Darnold shrugs. "I don't know, I haven't been inside." A small smile appears on his face. "I was waiting for you."

Tommy’s heart flutters. Damn it! This confession business is gonna be REAL hard if Darnold keeps saying shit like that!

The inside of the restaurant is nice. Darnold had suggested it when they were making plans the other day. Apparently he heard really good things about their desert menu! It’s a wonderful little place, with wide street view windows and a casual atmosphere. They manage to get a booth next to one, and the sun warms their cheeks during their meal.

A throughout it all, Tommy _tries_. He tries oh so desperately to tell Darnold how he feels, and every missed opportunity feels like a knife being twisted around inside him. He’ll be about to say something, his mouth opened and his chest full of confidence, and then…

And then he makes eye contact with Darnold, and the soft warmth he radiates immediately destroys him.

How’s he supposed to do this? How is Tommy supposed to confess his feelings to the man he loves if everytime he looks at him, he feels like he’s going to fall apart?

“You know,” Darnold says, looking out the window. “My whole life, I’ve never really been… I guess the word is lucky? I’ve never been that lucky.”

Uh oh! Tommy got distracted thinking about how much he loves Darnold, and whatever he’s doing is completely throwing him for a loop! Why isn’t he looking at him? Did he do something wrong!?

“Love, especially,” Darnold continues. “I, uh. I’ve thought about praying, but I’ve heard the minor domains don’t get as much attention…”

Yeah, can’t disagree with him there. While Coomer and Bubby are attentive (Coomer especially adores the love domain), it isn’t either of their main domains, so it tends to get shoved to the side.

But Tommy has a suspicion that Darnold isn’t starting a theological discussion.

Darnold takes a deep breath, and he looks him right in the eyes. “I- Tommy, I feel extremely lucky to have met you. And I value our friendship and the time we’ve spent together! What I’m trying to say is…” He’s fidgeting with his fingers. “You’re so confident, and smart, and amazing. And I… kind of fell in love with you.”

At once, Tommy’s face is both flushed and lit up. He can’t put away the goofy smile spread across his face, and the butterflies in his stomach seem to have relocated to his chest. Darnold confessed! He… oh! That’s why he chose such a nice restaurant! He was _planning_ this! Dang, he was so much more prepared than Tommy was.

Tommy clasps his hands in front of himself. “I…” he tries, but whatever he could say next escapes him. Oh damn it, are his eyes welling up with tears? Tommy resorts to just nodding very enthusiastically and hopes the message gets across.

“O-oh! I didn’t mean to-” Darnold reaches out, but he’s cut off by Tommy taking his hand instead.

“I- I fell in love with you, too,” Tommy finally manages.

The way Darnold’s eyes widen, the surprise clear as day, Tommy is sure he’ll always remember it.

☆○☆○☆

“So, was- was that a date?” Tommy asks as they’re on their way out.

Darnold puts a finger on his chin and mimes thinking. “I dunno. Do you want it to be?”

There’s a bit of a chill today, Tommy notices as they step outside, but the sky is mostly clear and the sun is still so warm. He loves days like this.

A thought occurs to him. “Can I- can I kiss you? Is that okay?”

Now it’s Darnold’s turn to be all flustered. “Yeah!” he nods eagerly. “It’s very okay!”

Tommy’s read romantic novels before. He’s watched practically every soap opera there is. He is not unfamiliar with the phrase “sparks flying”. But he feels like he never truly understood what that meant until he kisses Darnold. Because everything feels electric, and terrifying, and beautiful.

It’s right. It’s so right.

☆○☆○☆

“Guys!” Tommy exclaims in a giddy tone upon his return. “You- you won’t-”

He stops himself.

Gordon’s back. He must have returned right before Tommy, because he’s standing at the edge of the pool, leaning against Coomer. Tommy can clearly see a few bruises, and even some cuts and scrapes. Benrey looks afraid to touch him, while Bubby is delivering a lecture.

“Mr. Freem- Gordon!” Tommy shouts, and in an instant he’s right beside him. “Wh-what happened!? Are you okay?!”

“I _told_ you to be careful down there,” Bubby continues. “Who knows what those bastards would have done to you if they had knocked you out!”

“Bubby, dear,” Coomer warns.

Bubby snaps. “They’re dangerous, Harold! I’m allowed to tell Gordon off!”

Tommy looks to Gordon, because he knows what he’ll say next. The same conversation they had last night. He can practically hear it now, _‘If they’re so dangerous, then why don’t you tell us anything!’_ And Tommy will agree with him, because this is getting too far. Gordon’s been hurt! The man Tommy has basically guided through godhood has been royally fucked up by those bone-worshipping dunderheads!

But there’s nothing. Gordon’s eyes are blank. There’s no righteous anger, he barely seems to register the pain he’s in. He just stares down at the floor.

“G-Gordon?” Tommy barely manages to whisper.

Their gazes meet, and he looks so… empty. “I’m tired.” Gordon says. “I just need to sleep right now.”

Coomer takes this as a sign to guide Gordon back to his home, Bubby tailing behind him, still giving his speech on how badly things could have gone. They leave Tommy and Benrey behind, the latter of whom appears both dazed and concerned.

“I’ll… I’ll take Joshua, t-tonight,” Tommy offers.

Benrey blinks, snaps out of whatever thoughts he’s having. “Yeah, that’s… probably a good idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally this chapter and last chapter were one thing. i had to split them. morally.
> 
> i donated for stickbug theme on wayne's stream last night and he insisted he wasn't stickbugged because there was no stickbug but the whole chat was on my side so.
> 
> anyway if you like the fic, reblog it on tumblr. i post here  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	7. Hitch a Ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wonderful day at the museum!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for mentions of past character death and limb loss, though not explicit.

_Tommy: Hey this is gonna sound weird but_  
_Tommy: Do you want to meet my nephew?_

_Darnold ♡: You have a nephew?_

_Tommy: Not like. Biologically._  
_Tommy: You’ve met Gordon and Benrey! He’s their kid, his name is Joshua._

_Darnold ♡: Oh!_  
_Darnold ♡: I didn’t realize they were together!_

_Tommy: Yeah, they have been for a while._  
_Tommy: But, uh…_  
_Tommy: I can’t really get into it, but things have been tense lately? And it’s mainly centering around Gordon :(_  
_Tommy: Everything’s fine! But_  
_Tommy: I kinda wanna take Joshua out for a day, you know?_  
_Tommy: And I’m asking you to come with_

_Darnold ♡: Of course!_  
_Darnold ♡: I heard the museum has free admissions for kids tomorrow. Do you think that’s a good idea?_

☆○☆○☆

_Tommy: Benrey?_

_Benrey!!!: oh hey_  
_Benrey!!!: ur awake_  
_Benrey!!!: why_

_Tommy: Why are you awake? :(_

_Benrey!!!: cant sleep_

_Tommy: Is it Gordon?_

_Benrey!!!: yeah hes_  
_Benrey!!!: i dont know_  
_Benrey!!!: why are you texting me? u can come over?_

_Tommy: I’m kind of comfy in bed right now_  
_Tommy: And it’s late_  
_Tommy: And_  
_Tommy: Is it fair to say I don’t want to? :(_

_Benrey!!!: oh more than fair_

_Tommy: But I want to ask you something_  
_Tommy: I was talking with Darnold_  
_Tommy: NOTHING SPECIFIC!_  
_Tommy: Trust me._  
_Tommy: But he suggested, and I agree, that we could maybe take Joshua to the museum tomorrow?_

_Benrey!!!: i dont know man_  
_Benrey!!!: i feel like feetman would yell at me if i let joshy head down now_  
_Benrey!!!: if he yells at all_  
_Benrey!!!: hes just been so quiet lately_  
_Benrey!!!: i hate this_

_Tommy: I really wish you’d talk to us, Benrey._  
_Tommy: I hate to say it, but_  
_Tommy: Maybe we could have avoided this :(_

_Benrey!!!: …_  
_Benrey!!!: maybe_

_Tommy: I think getting out will do Joshua some good, though?_  
_Tommy: We can have a fun day!_  
_Tommy: It’s just that_  
_Tommy: All this stuff! Gordon not acting like himself! Whatever’s going on with you_  
_Tommy: He’s in the same house as that_  
_Tommy: So I think NOT being in the same house will help?_

_Benrey!!!: wait_

_Tommy: What?_

_Benrey!!!: gordon not_  
_Benrey!!!: i think u have a point_  
_Benrey!!!: about a few things_  
_Benrey!!!: yeah u can take joshy down tomorrow_  
_Benrey!!!: ill make sure gordon agrees just_  
_Benrey!!!: dont come back until i tell you okay?_  
_Benrey!!!: i think i can fix this_

_Tommy: Yeah?_

_Benrey!!!: yeah_  
_Benrey!!!: make sure joshy gets something at the gift shop_  
_Benrey!!!: get something for me too?_

☆○☆○☆

The next day is overcast, but Tommy’s not sure that it’ll be rainy by the time they leave. Still, he has Joshua grab his jacket before they leave, just in case. Not that it’s actually possible for either of them to catch a cold, but getting soaked isn’t fun!

“Re-remember Joshua,” Tommy says as they approach the museum. “Darnold is a friend, but the- the rules still apply!”

Toomy feels Joshua nod into his back, which is a good enough response when you’re giving someone a piggyback ride. Joshua _loves_ asking Tommy for piggyback rides, though it’s more a result of Tommy being the tallest than any special uncle privileges.

“Is, um,” Joshua asks. “Is this the guy my dad says is your special friend?”

Tommy holds back a laugh. With everything happening, he hasn’t actually gotten a chance to share his updated relationship status with everyone. “What are- what are your dads telling you?”

Joshua, being three years old, caves in immediately. “Um! They say that there’s a guy you really like, and you want to kiss him and marry him someday!”

“Marry!?” Tommy exclaims. “I mean, I-I like him and all, but marriage is a… it’s a little ways off right now.”

Pouting, Josh swings his legs. “But I wanna go to a wedding! I wanna go to a party after a wedding!”

“Weddings are mostly boring, actually. I was- I was at your dads’.” Tommy says. “Hey, climb on my shoulders. Try to- to find Darnold for me.”

While Joshua does comply, he complains as he crawls up. “I don’t know what he looks like!”

Tommy sighs, unlocking his phone and handing it up to Joshua. “Look through the gallery, he’s- he’s in there.”

There’s a moment of silence and Joshua navigates through Tommy’s phone. “Woah!” he shouts. “Why do you have so many pictures of him?!”

“He’s my boyfriend, I- I like having pictures of him,” Tommy explains. Joshua blows a raspberry down at him.

A hand tugs as Tommy’s sleeve from behind, and after turning his head, there’s Darnold. “Hey-” he starts, but is cut off when Tommy places a finger over his own lips.

“Do you, uh… do you see anything u-up there?” Tommy asks, and though he’s speaking to Joshua, he’s looking right at Darnold.

Joshua sighs. “Uncle Tommy, I don’t think he’s here.” He presses his face into Tommy’s propeller cap. “I guess we just have to go into the museum without him.”

“Oh, but I really- I really like him!” Tommy pretends to whine, and Darnold covers his smile with a hand. “Try looking a little bit lower? He’s kinda short.”

That earns him a jab from Darnold’s elbow, which he wasn’t exactly undeserving of. However, Joshua feels the jolt, and their little game is done.

“L-look Josh! There he is!” Tommy acts surprised. He lifts Josh off his shoulders and places him on the ground.

“Hey there, Joshua!” Darnold finally gets to greet them. “I’m Darnold. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” He offers his hand mostly as a joke, but Joshua does end up taking it and giving his best attempt at a handshake, albeit appearing confused the whole time.

“Hi,” Joshua manages. “Uh. I don’t really hear about you.”

“No?” Darnold chokes back a laugh. “Does, uh… does Tommy not talk about me?”

Joshua shakes his head. “No, he talks about you with the grownups. We talk about dogs! And cowboys!”

“Dogs and cowboys?” Darnold looks up at Tommy, smirking.

“He’s three,” Tommy defends himself. “There’s not a lot of- of topics to cover.”

☆○☆○☆

After paying their admission (Tommy insisted on paying for Darnold’s, after all, being a god allows one access to a healthy sum of money), Tommy swipes a pamphlet and begins to look through the museum’s different exhibits. They’re stopped for a moment, because Joshua’s shoe was untied and he wanted to show Darnold that he learned how to tie it last week, but his hands are so small and it is so difficult. Anatomy, no. Dinosaurs, definitely. He judges them, one by one, until a specific exhibit catches his eye.

“Hey Joshua, my- I lost the ability to read.” Tommy places the pamphlet in front of him and points to a specific line. “Can you tell me what that says?”

Forgetting about his shoe, Joshua squints at the paper. Ugh, he might be taking after Gordon in the eyesight department. How are you supposed to get a child god with no actual birth certificate prescription glasses?

“T… th… the w…” Joshua sounds out. “The wil...d… we… st? The wild west?” His eyes light up immediately. “Cowboys!? They have cowboys!?”

“A cowboy exhibit?” Darnold leans over to check out the pamphlet. “Huh, would you look at that.”

“Are we- are we heading there first?” Tommy addresses the other two.

“Yeah!” Joshua throws his arms in the air and jumps off the bench. He takes off in a random direction. “Cowboys! Cowboys! Cowb-”

“Wait, Joshua! Your shoelace!”

_Smack!_

☆○☆○☆

The moment they step into the Wild West exhibit, Joshua stops sniffling and rubbing his red cheek, instead excitedly wiggling out of Tommy’s arms, marvelling at the presentations around him as if it were a candy store. Realizing that he’ll be _murdered_ if he doesn’t capture this moment, Tommy pulls out his phone.

“So,” Darnold asks. “What’s with the cowboy thing?”

Tommy chuckles. “It was- Benrey showed him Toy Story 2, as a joke. He- he really liked it, kinda went from there.”

“Not Toy Story 1?”

“Joshua has never seen Toy Story 1.” Tommy snaps a few photos of Josh, making a mental note to send them to everyone later.

Tommy and Darnold end up mostly dragged along by Joshua, who constantly runs ahead and then doubles back to get them to read a placard for him. Josh seems to take a liking to Darnold, which Tommy is thrilled to see. Occasionally, Tommy will reach to hold hands with Darnold, only to find that Joshua has beaten him to it.

If it wasn’t so cute, Tommy would be a little angry.

“Look! Look!” Joshua shouts and points. “Real cowboys! Real pictures of real cowboys!”

“Heh,” Darnold remarks, nodding towards one of the black and white photos. “That one kind of looks like your dad, Joshy.”

Tommy is frozen.

Joshua grabs onto Darnold’s shirt. “Lift me! I wanna see!” Darnold complies, and when he lays eyes on the portrait, Joshua gasps. “That- that looks just like Daddy!”

The man in the photograph has the same chin, the same cheeks, same nose. But he’s so different too. His hair isn’t pulled back into a ponytail, but rather falls down around his shoulders. One of his hands isn’t ghostly and transparent, instead something flesh and whole. He’s smiling, and Tommy can’t remember the last time he saw that smile genuinely.

“Let’s see here.” Darnold reads the plaque underneath. “The Free Man, date unknown. The Free Man spent his days hunting down violent offenders in the west for private individuals. He disappeared, and his fate remains unknown.”

Not unknown. Tommy gulps.

That doesn’t just look like Gordon. That _is_ Gordon.

It’s easy to forget. Gordon’s been around for two and a half centuries at this point, and Tommy didn’t know him before that. He doesn’t know the man in the photograph, who let his hair down and laughed and still had two hands. Who lived and had a beating heart. Who was betrayed and killed in a cave in the desert.

Tommy doesn’t like to think about the fact that Gordon was _mortal_ once, and how he got to where he is.

He looks away. Tommy turns his head a full ninety degrees to the right, because he can’t look at this right now. He’s looking at another display, one with a small wagon, a plastic horse, and a skeleton standing upright. It’s nice, probably about trade, or ranchers, or-

Hang on a second.

“Maybe it’s an ancestor of yours or something?” Darnold theorizes. “What do you think, Tommy?”

Why is there a skeleton there?

“Uncle Tommy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys did you know i am innocent of any crimes you accuse me of? this is a fact even if i did do it
> 
> if you wanna yell at me more publicly tumblr is your best bet  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	8. Owe It to You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy makes a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for a fight and also bleeding

_Tommy: WOULD ONE OF YOU PLEASE ANSWER YOUR PHONE_  
_Tommy: PLEASE_  
_Tommy: THIS ISNT A JOKE SEND HELP NOW_  
_Tommy: I CANT DO THIS I HAVE JOSHUA IM SURROUNDED BY MORTALS_  
_Tommy: DARNOLDS HERE YOU GUYS_

Tommy almost slams his phone towards the ground in frustration, but he resorts to just gripping it tighter. After all, any noise would alert the skeleton currently tearing the museum apart of their hiding spot behind an overturned display table. Joshua trembles next to him, clutching his arm and wrenching his eyes shut. And Darnold…

“I can’t believe it,” Darnold whispers, mostly to himself. His eyes are blown and distant. “Skeletons are real. I… I thought they were a religious metaphor, or something.”

“Skeletons are real,” Tommy confirms, but he quickly focuses on Joshua. “Josh, you- you need to recall yourself right now.”

Joshua whimpers. “I-I’m trying!” he says, “But I can’t! It’s not working!”

Okay. Okay fine. Just another real quick addition to the to-do list Tommy apparently has now. He can’t take Darnold up too, the Viewing Pool isn’t rigged that way, but he can at least warn him.

“I’m- I’m sorry,” Tommy places a hand on the side of Darnold’s face, turning him to face him. “I was going to tell you.”

Tommy grabs onto Joshua’s shirt, and…

Nothing happens.

No that can’t be right. Tommy tries again, wills himself to appear back in the Viewing Pool, but the scene around him doesn’t change. And Tommy notices, for the first time, a distinct lack of a divine connection that he usually feels.

In the few times Tommy has fought a Skeleton before, never has he lost his escape home. He’s not even sure that they have the power to do that! Did… did his family do this?

“Tell me what?” Darnold asks.

Tommy grits his teeth to stop himself from shouting. Can SOMETHING go right today!? He shoves both his phone and Joshua into Darnold’s arms.

“If someone- if someone texts me back, tell them what’s happening,” he says.

“What are you-” Darnold starts, but.

Well.

It’s kinda hard to continue your train of thought when your boyfriend, who normally looks like a regular person, turns into a faceless figure of light wearing princely attire. Tends to leave people speechless.

While he may not be able to get back home, Tommy can still teleport. It’s short range, sure, but he isn’t going too far. Jumping over the table would, after all, give away Darnold and Joshua’s hiding place. In a flash of light, he reappears on the other side of the room, standing atop a pile of rubble from the museum’s collapsed ceiling.

The Skeleton is too busy wreaking havoc on the museum to notice him, and Tommy has the vague notion that it might be looking for something. Wordlessly, he gathers divine energy around his hand and fires it at the Skeleton. A concentrated shot meets its target head-on.

It falls to its knees, but with the creaking of bone, the Skeleton turns to face Tommy.

Damn it, not enough.

The Skeleton rushes him, and though Tommy’s quick to sidestep it, he isn’t able to avoid the punch it throws. What the fuck!? How does it hurt so much!? It’s a bone hand for fuck’s sake!

That might be a broken nose. As Tommy stumbles back, gripping at his face, the Skeleton continues its attack. It seizes his shoulders, pressing hard into them. And when Tommy looks up into its empty eye sockets, it

he

he feels

cold.

they’re so

empty.

he wants

he can’t

he

A piece of rubble collides with the side of the Skeleton’s head, and all at once it’s like a spell is broken, and Tommy can _think_ again. The Skeleton releases its grasp on Tommy, causing him to fall on his ass. It darts towards the source of the projectile, and Tommy looks up and sees…

Darnold.

He’s left the overturned table, and he’s standing out in the open. He’s shocked still, but Tommy isn’t! He can’t let that thing reach him! Another burst of energy fires from Tommy’s hand, hitting the Skeleton in the spine.

The Skeleton drops forward, and Tommy knows he doesn’t have much time, getting to his feet and scrambling to catch up. He puts all his power into a divine stomp and crushes the Skeleton’s head under his foot.

That does it. The bones turn to ash under him. He heaves a sigh.

As what remains of the Skeleton fades away, Tommy begins to hear noises. Cheers, elation, excitement.

Oh right. The other museum patrons. Damn, he’s not used to these fights happening in such public locations.

Tommy looks up, towards Darnold. His staring at him, his eyes a mix of confusion and amazement. Tommy’s heart aches, just a little bit. He nods towards the overturned table, hoping Joshua is still there. Darnold seems to get the idea and makes his way back.

Once again, Tommy teleports. The transition of wounds from light to flesh sucks, and Tommy hisses. Opening his eyes, the first sight he’s greeted with is Joshua jumping on top of him.

“Uncle Tommy, that was so cool!” he rambles. “You beat up the bad guy, and you were shooting at them like you were a cowboy! Why don’t my dads let me watch you fight!?”

Then Joshua looks up at him, his expression souring almost immediately. Tommy doesn’t understand at first, until he feels his own blood dripping from his nose. Oh yeah, that happened.

“Tommy?”

Darnold’s back, a sad look in his eyes. He kneels beside him.

“I- Darnold,” Tommy stammers. “I’m _sorry_ , I’ll tell you everything, let’s just-”

But Darnold doesn’t let him keep speaking. He pulls Tommy into a hug, burying his head in his shoulder.

“I was so scared,” Darnold whispers.

For a moment, Tommy is stunned. Then, he wraps an arm around Darnold, feeling a sharp sting where the Skeleton grabbed him. “Yeah,” he admits. “I was- I was too.”

☆○☆○☆

The three of them make it back to Darnold’s apartment in one piece. The place is still a mess, but there’s enough room to set Joshua in front of the TV so he can watch a cartoon. Tommy disappears into the bathroom to clean off his face while Darnold keeps an eye on Joshua.

It hurts to touch around his nose, but the bleeding has stopped and Tommy is eventually able to wash away most of the blood. But the jolt of pain everytime he moves his arms reminds him of…

Of whatever the hell that was. Tommy has never even _heard_ of Skeletons being able to do that, let alone experience it firsthand. Just thinking about it gives him chills. Not to mention the fact that the divine tug from home is still missing, and he _still_ hasn’t heard back from anyone! Kind of makes Tommy feel like it’s the end of days, which isn’t fun!

Tommy shakes his head. He can’t get scared now! He has to have a serious and important conversation with his boyfriend! Maybe one he should have had earlier, if he had found the time or the words…

Stepping out of the bathroom, the first thing Tommy notices is the fact that Darnold was leaning against the wall next to the door, waiting for him. He startles, but Tommy doesn’t see the disappointment he expected to be written all over his face. Instead, Darnold just looks concerned.

“Everything’s good?” he asks, fear tinting the edge of his voice. He catches sight of Tommy’s nose and winces.

Tommy nods. “I’m fine, don’t worry.” He tries to smile.

Darnold only frowns. “I have a feeling I’ll be worrying a lot after this. Do you wanna talk in the kitchen?”

Tommy glances towards the kitchen door. While he’d like to say yes, that would put a wall between them and Joshua. And with everything happening, Tommy’s not sure he wants to take his eye of the little god anytime soon. But the kitchen is really the only place in Darnold’s apartment to sit and talk, considering he uses the couch to pile notes…

Wait hang on?

“You cleaned off the- the couch?” Tommy questions.

“Uh, yeah,” Darnold confirms. “I thought Joshua would want to sit on the couch, but…”

They look towards Joshua, who is sitting way too close to the TV for comfort. Yeesh, if Tommy didn’t think he needed glasses before now…

“We can talk there?” Darnold asks.

“Yeah,” Tommy says.

The second he sits on the couch, Tommy decides he’s never letting Darnold put his research on here again. This thing is _way_ too comfortable to not be supporting humans.

Darnold practically collapses next to him. “So,” he says.

“I’m really sorry I- I didn’t tell you about this, before,” Tommy repeats. It definitely would have been an easier blow if not for current circumstances. Dang, he really messed this up.

Tommy’s shocked when Darnold takes his hand in his own. “It’s fine, Tommy, really,” he assures him. “Tell me now?”

“O-okay.” Tommy takes a deep breath. “I’m the God of Discovery.”

Tommy is able to witness Darnold’s thought process in real time. He squints at Tommy, then looks away for a second, then looks back.

“I’ll believe it,” he nods. “What else?”

“All my friends you’ve met are- are gods too. A-and so is Joshua.”

This one takes a little longer for Darnold to come to terms with. After about ten seconds of internalizing it, Darnold claps his hands together. “Okay! It, uh. It makes sense, yeah,” he rationalizes. “I do need to know who’s who, though.”

“Well, Josh is too- is too young to have a domain. But Bubby’s the- the God of Fire, Coomer’s the God of Strength, Gordon’s the God of- of Order, Benrey’s the God of Chaos, and, well,” Tommy swallows. “Um, you haven’t met him, but my dad is the God of Time.”

“Mhm,” Darnold nods, very clearly trying to keep his cool. “That- I don’t know what to say to that!”

Tommy places a hand on his shoulder. “Take your- your time. Like a… like the biggest crop that grows all season!”

Darnold’s head falls into his hands, but Tommy can tell that he’s laughing.

☆○☆○☆

It takes a lot of explaining, but eventually, Tommy manages to get Darnold on the same page as him. They end up leaning against each other while watching cartoons with Joshua. Occasionally, Darnold will mumble out another question (“How old are you actually?” “Five-hundred thirty-seven.”), but for the most part they are quiet and enjoying each other’s company.

Darnold seemed concerned when Tommy said that he couldn’t get in contact with the others, or even make it back home, but he quickly hid it. He assured Tommy that it’s only been an hour since they lost contact, and he should wait a bit longer before getting worried.

Tommy glances at the clock, and yikes! It’s two in the afternoon! Though it’s not a typical day by any stretch of the imagination, it’s still Joshua’s naptime! And now that he’s paying attention, Tommy notices the kid is actually rubbing his eyes a lot.

“Crap,” Tommy says. “Darnold, uh- Joshua needs to take his- his nap.”

“Oh.” Darnold looks around. “Well, I have a spare blanket and pillow, do you think he’s okay on the couch?”

Tommy thinks so, and the two of them split off to set up Joshua’s impromptu nap. But just as Tommy manages to corral Josh onto the couch, Darnold showing up with the pillow, he feels something.

A tug. Not a physical one, but something divine.

“Ugh. Darnold?” Tommy turns to him. “Are you- are you okay watching Joshua for a bit? I think I can head back now.”

Darnold tilts his head. “You’re not taking him with?”

“I-” Tommy frowns. “I’ll come back later, it’s just… I have a- a feeling it’s a mess up there.”

“Alright, I get it.” Darnold crosses his arms, but he does smile up at Tommy. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Tommy kisses his cheek. “Text me if- if you need anything.”

And with that, Tommy heads home.

☆○☆○☆

Tommy’s return is not met with fanfare. No shouts of joy, no exclamations about his broken nose. There’s nobody around, but there are signs of them.

Signs of them like how the entire Viewing Pool pavilion is littered in scorch marks and cracks, completely destroyed in some parts. The stillness of it all mocks him.

What the hell happened here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "yeah go hurt some more people" -my beta giving me the sign off to post
> 
> a good place to yell at me is both in the comments and on tumblr  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	9. The Reckoning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2,000 years ago.

Tommy gawks at the destruction wrought upon the pavilion, and without thinking he brings his hands to cover his mouth. Never in all his life has he seen his home so damaged. Some pillars are missing entire chunks! A few of the scorch marks are still smoking!

Where is everyone?

Drawing in a deep breath, Tommy places two fingers in his mouth and whistles as loud as he can.

Sure enough, it takes a bit, but Sunkist comes running from the direction of his house. The first trick Tommy ever taught her, and it still works like a charm! He’s never been so relieved to see her before, at least until she tackles him to the ground with licks.

“Ow,” Tommy whimpers out, feeling the pain in his bruised shoulders.

Sunkist seems to recognize his discomfort, but she keeps sniffing his face. Yeah, she can definitely tell his nose is fucked.

“Oh, Sunkist,” Tommy sits up and hugs her. “You would- you won’t believe what happened down there today.”

“Tommy?”

He breaks away from Sunkist, and holy shit, Bubby doesn’t look good. He’s very clearly just stumbled in, leaning on one of the intact pillars for support. Tommy almost cries out for him, but Bubby cuts him off.

“I thought I heard you call for Sunkist,” he continues. “What the hell are you doing back here?”

In an instant, Tommy goes from concerned for his family’s well-being to seeing red.

“What- what am _I_ doing!?” Tommy places a hand on his chest, offended beyond belief. He struggles to push himself up with his other arm, the thrumming pain causing him to wobble slightly, but he does stand. “What have you guys been doing?! I’ve been- I’ve been trying to get in contact with you all afternoon!”

Bubby narrows his eyes at Tommy, and for a split second he glances behind himself, back towards Benrey and Gordon’s home.

“Where’s the kid?” he asks, as if noticing for the first time Joshua isn’t present.

“He, uh. Darnold’s watching him.” Tommy frowns. Well, now that he knows things are somewhat okay up here, he turns back to his dog. “Actually, Sunkist? Could you- could you head down and keep an eye on them f-for me?” He’d appreciate something divine watching over them for a bit.

Sunkist barks in response, trotting into the Viewing Pool. She disappears with a flash, and Tommy feels like he has one less thing to worry about.

Before Tommy can ask a single question, Bubby has already turned around, gesturing for him to follow. Catching up, Tommy notices that Bubby’s legs are stiff as he walks, as if he has to mentally will them to bend.

“What- Bubby, what happened?” Tommy asks.

Bubby sighs. “Come on. I’m sure everyone is gonna want to see you.”

Wow, this is a whole new level of brushing off! Bubby’s not addressing the fact that wherever he looks, Tommy sees signs of a fight in the place he’s known as home his whole life. He really didn’t think it could get this bad.

But then again, what was Tommy _supposed_ to think? They never told him anything.

They make it to Gordon and Benrey’s house, the door to which Bubby pushes open without knocking. Tommy almost calls him rude for it, but then he catches sight of the scene inside.

Coomer is immediately on Bubby, lecturing him for sneaking out while he’s so fragile. Tommy spies his dad in the corner, his gaze focused intently on the couch. And on that couch sits Benrey, Gordon passed out and laying in his lap. All of them look roughed up.

“Stop, Harold.” Bubby pushes his fretting husband’s hands away. “I’m fine, see?” He pauses, for the briefest of moments. “Look who I found.”

And just like that, everyone’s attention is turned to Tommy in the doorway. But Tommy’s stuck on the one person who can’t look at him, his thoughts going a mile a minute. _‘Gordon isn’t moving why isn’t he moving is he okay what happened-’_

A pair of hands squish his face, and Tommy realizes it’s his dad. He’s looking down at him with such a sad look, and Tommy’s not sure if it’s intentional, but he stands right in front of him, blocking his view.

“Oh, oh dear, Tommy,” Gman says. “What happ..ened to your, nose?”

Tommy’s stunned expression turns to a glare. “Wh- my nose!? You want- you want to talk about my nose?!”

Gman obviously wasn’t expecting a hostile reaction to that, releasing his son’s face and backing away. It does little to calm Tommy.

“Do you- you have _any_ idea how worried I’ve been!?” Tommy shouts. “You weren’t answering anything! And I come back, and- and everything is fucked up, and you’re just- just pretending nothing happened!?”

Bubby and Coomer no longer meet his eyes, but Gman just stares. Tommy continues, “Did- did any of you even check your phones!? I fucking fought a Skeleton today, and it-” All of Tommy’s fury vasnishes in an instant. Just remembering the empty feeling he got looking into that thing’s eye sockets is enough to twist his stomach. “It- s-so much about that was- it tried something-”

Tommy’s legs give out. He can feel his father by his side, holding onto him, and he thinks Coomer is there too. But his head is racing and he’s gripping at it as though he could slow it down somehow. “It- it was so cold, and everything was- was moving except me, and I couldn’t think, and if it wasn’t for-”

“It tried to possess you, bro,” Benrey finally speaks up. “Same as what it did to Gordon.” He runs a hand through Gordon’s hair.

Tommy blinks. “W-what?”

“I mean, I guess the… the cat’s out of the bag, or whatever.” Benrey sighs. “Skeletons possess people. Us mostly.”

“You’re- you’re joking?”

Bubby, who’s taken to leaning on one of the walls, shakes his head. “He isn’t.”

“Perhaps this conversation is best saved for when our friend over there wakes up, hm?” Coomer points at Gordon.

It takes Tommy a moment to process it all. _‘When Gordon wakes up.’_ His dad pulls him to his chest, and making sure that he avoids his nose, Tommy presses into him with his forehead. He’s searching for a word, something he’s feeling, and then he realizes it’s trusted.

He feels trusted.

☆○☆○☆

“Your nose looks fucked,” Benrey comments from across the kitchen table. Coomer had convinced him to abandon his vigil over Gordon in favor of getting something to eat, but so far all he had done was make a few tonedeaf remarks Tommy’s way.

“Uh-huh,” Tommy responds, more preoccupied with his phone.

_Darnold ♡: Wait they don’t know that I know?_

_Tommy: I’m not sure how to tell them???_

_Darnold ♡: I mean, it sounds like you’ve done enough “telling” for today_  
_Darnold ♡: So maybe don’t?_

_Tommy: Yeah? Then what?_  
_Tommy: They’re gonna be teasing you next time you meet!! :(_

_Darnold ♡: Well that just makes THEM look stupid, right?_

Whatever stupid thing Benrey is about to say next is interrupted by a groan from the next room over. They both meet eyes, before scrambling out of the kitchen.

_Tommy: Oh hang on Gordon’s awake!!!!!! :D_

Benrey beats Tommy by a longshot, sliding to his knees in front of the couch and pulling Gordon into a hug. This only serves to agitate him.

“Ugh, Benrey!” Gordon complains, and it’s the most emotion Tommy’s heard from Gordon in a week. He almost cries.

Benrey isn’t deterred, only hugs Gordon tighter as he begins to ramble. “I’m so sorry I didn’t notice I should have seen it I’m sorry Gordon I’m so sorry-”

Gordon sits up, Benrey still clutching him like a koala and apologizing. He barely seems to register it, though, instead bringing a hand to his head and wincing. “My head is fucking killing me,” he mumbles.

“We’re all hurting, asshole, get in line,” Bubby snarks. He’s sitting with his legs crossed on the other side of the room.

Coomer, who had previously been sitting next to Bubby, has made his way to the couch. He places a hand on Gordon’s back and smiles at him. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Gordon!”

Tommy can’t help it anymore. With a wide smile he jumps onto the couch next to Gordon, pulling him (and by extension Benrey) into a hug. “Thank- thank goodness you’re okay!” And yup, Tommy can definitely feel himself crying now, but he doesn’t really care! Gordon’s back!

Having gotten a few more of his faculties in order, Gordon starts to realize that things aren’t exactly normal. Like, for example, everyone around him is injured to varying degrees. “What- why do you guys look like shit?” he asks.

Benrey still hasn’t broken out of his longform apology to make any stunning rebuttals, so Tommy just answers him. “I got- I got punched in the face by a Skeleton,” he nods.

“Holy shit, Tommy,” Gordon actually processes his appearance for the first time. “Is that broken? I can-” He worms his hand out from the hug mess, and before Tommy can protest that he really _shouldn’t_ be using his powers right now, the pain in his face is gone in a flash.

Sometimes it pays to be friends with a god with a minor healing domain. Not when he heals you instead of resting like he should be doing, but other, more fun times.

Tommy gasps. “Gordon! No! You should- you shouldn’t be blessing people, right now!”

“I _also_ got punched in the face by a Skeleton!” Bubby points at his bruised cheek. “The Skeleton was just inside Gordon.”

Oh. Well. He just said it, didn’t he?

“The… the what?” Gordon questions, clearly distressed.

“B-Bubby!” Tommy yells at him. “Why did you say that!?”

“What? We’re sharing things today!” Bubby gestures to himself. “I, for one, would want someone to tell me if I punched them like that!”

“The Skeleton was… inside me?” Gordon stammers out. Slowly, Tommy slinks his arms away from him, and he can see Benrey doing the same.

Gman steps in. “What Bubby, is. Saying, is that. You’ve been, possess...ed, by a. Skeleton, for a whole week.”

“What?! No, they- they can do that!?” Gordon shouts. Tommy thinks he’s about two seconds away from having to stop Gordon from pulling his own hair, when… 

“They did it to me.”

Tommy hadn’t expected Benrey to speak up again, not since he revealed the fact Skeletons could possess people in the first place. But here he was, staring straight down at the ground, sitting on his hands.

“Um, we… We knew the Skeletons and their cult were bad for a long time,” Benrey continues. “But we didn’t… know. How bad.” He sighs, looking towards Tommy and Gordon. “I think if we told you guys, probably wouldn’t suck as much as it has. You wouldn’t have been hurt, Gordon.”

Gman places a hand on his son’s back as Benrey talks. Bubby has found his way back to Coomer’s side. All of them have grim expressions on their face, listening to a story to which they know the ending.

“So, uh. Two-thousands years ago. I went down to look at them, and they-” Benrey scratches the side of his face. “I don’t remember much after that, but they got me.”

Benrey draws his knees to his chest. “They made me do a lot of things. I didn’t… World got- got fucked. Society two time, second one didn’t like magic so much.”

Things suddenly start making a lot more sense. It’s like a missing puzzle piece gets clicked into place in Tommy’s mind, or a lightswitch gets turned on, or something like that. They haven’t been hiding this out of malice, or messing with the new guys, it was-

Gordon reaches out, grabbing onto one of Benrey’s hands. He cups his husband’s face gently, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Hey, Benrey, look at me,” he whispers. “It’s okay. I’m here, you’re safe.” Benrey launches forward, clinging onto Gordon, and Gordon holds him.

It was fear.

Tommy turns to the others. He has a feeling Benrey is done talking. “But… but why didn’t they do anything this time?” he asks them. “If- if they wanted to destroy things, why wait?”

“Well Tommy, if I had to guess,” Coomer hypothesizes. “We were able to knock Benrey back to normal relatively easily last time, as well as pummel the Skeletons we did find to the ground. Perhaps they wanted to weaken us from the inside before attempt number two?”

Goodness, this is a lot for Tommy to process right now. A societal-wide reckoning caused by the possession of one of his dearest friends? It’s a little much. He leans back on the couch. Damn it, this must be what Darnold felt like earlier.

“Wait a second,” Gordon suddenly pipes up. “Where the fuck is Joshua?”

Tommy pulls out his phone. “He’s with Darnold. He knows what’s been going on, we’ve been texting. It’s fine.”

“Oh, good,” Gordon sighs, but then he changes his tune. “Wait, he KNOWS?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> special 2 chapter update! hell yeah!
> 
> my tumblr  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	10. interruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part 2 of today's update! just a chapter showcasing my creative process and jokes i've made to my beta throughout this. excluding any spoilers obviously.

tommy, looking at darnold: hot dr pepper  
darnold: what  
tommy: what

darnold: what's your phone number? we should hang out again sometime  
tommy: right. phone. um...  
tommy: my phone is, uh... my phone is broken. right now.  
tommy: but! i will get a new one soon!  
tommy: and sunkist- she likes the park.  
tommy: so we'll be here a lot.  
tommy: so um  
tommy: come back and i will give you my new phone number then!

darnold: you know, you and your friends always look exhausted  
tommy: wh-what do you mean?  
darnold: like you always got bags under your eyes  
tommy, who is stressed over skeletons: um. it's taxes.

me: :(  
me: (thinks about cool and sexy bubby god au looks)  
me: :)

darnold: did it hurt?  
tommy: ?  
darnold: when you fell from heaven?  
tommy:  
tommy: _(does he know?)_

tommy asks his friends in relationships how to flirt with boy and he gets 4 wildly varying answers  
gordon: uh..... forgiveness?  
benrey: wear him down over the course of 150 years  
bubby: i set coomer on fire when i first met him but it was an accident  
coomer: hugs!

darnold: yeah i dunno i don't really pray a lot. sometimes if i'm like real deep in a project i'll pray to the knowledge demigod. for good luck and stuff.  
tommy: oh.

darnold: gasp!  
darnold: i can NOT allow you to leave while you're so tired  
darnold: i guess you gotta nap on my couch.  
tommy: no it's fine! i can make it home  
darnold: but you're so tired! what if something happens?  
tommy:....... okay

there's a point where tommy starts showing up in the videos and darnold at first refers to him as his "assistant" but then there's the first video where they're lab partners and tommy looks so happy

darnold: hey when can i meet your family  
tommy, thinking about how when he left benrey was running around with josh in his arms screaming about how josh would be the one to destroy humanity: uh. im an orphan.

tommy insists that none of the others see darnold because obviously they're STRANGE and he doesn't want them scaring off the guy he likes but it just turns into them "accidentally" running into tommy and darnold while they're on earth for totally necessary reasons  
tommy: what are you doing here?  
gordon: right  
benrey: uh  
gordon: joshua needed shoes  
tommy: why didn't you bring him with you then  
gordon: we did he's just hanging off benrey's hoodie right now  
josh: hi  
tommy: oh hi josh!  
darnold: who  
gordon: we're tommy's friends it's nice to meet you darnold  
benrey: yeah we've uh... heard a lot about you  
darnold: o-oh?  
tommy, dragging darnold away: okay why don't you guys go to the shoe store now I'll see you later joshua  
josh: bye bye!  
darnold: they seem nice  
tommy: yeah... no

tommy: what are these notes for? potion of trans your gender?  
darnold: oh yeah i forgot about that  
darnold: that never really took off because apparently people don't wanna buy weird potions from strangers on the internet  
darnold: it works though! if you know anyone who needs it i'd be happy to share  
tommy: what?!  
darnold: what?  
tommy: what do- what do you mean this never took off!? this is incredible!  
darnold: oh uh it's not much...  
tommy, squishing darnold's face: you're a genius! you are so smart and wonderful!  
darnold, falling in love: oh.

darnold: uh tommy why are you glowing  
tommy: because um  
tommy: i  
tommy: ate something radioactive

darnold: i havent ever really been  
darnold: eh...  
darnold: lucky  
darnold: when it comes to love  
darnold: sometimes i think maybe i should pray for it, but i don't know... i've never really prayed to any of the gods aside from the knowledge god. feels like it would be rude.  
tommy: _oh_

gordon interrupts tommy's date, slams joshua on the table, gives some vague excuse about "the termites are back" and tommy is so confused and darnold is like "who was that? do you know him? how did he find us? who is this kid?"  
tommy: that was my, uh, neighbor?  
darnold:  
darnold: well now that you mention it, i don't think ive ever been to your house  
tommy: fuck

tommy: you promised not to tell anybody!  
gordon: i promised not to tell _everybody_. i told benrey.  
benrey: i told everybody

joshua: you're my uncle tommy's friend, right?  
darnold: uh yeah  
joshua: hm  
darnold: what're you thinking about, lil guy?  
joshua: my uncle tommy isn't my dads brother, so he's not... he's not like a lot of TV uncles  
joshua: but  
joshua: sometimes on TV dads have their kids call their friends uncle  
joshua: and my dads don't have brothers... or any moms or dads.  
joshua: would that make tommy's dad my grandpa? but i don't call him grandpa i call him g. but he's my uncles dad?  
joshua: or, um... would mr coomer and mr bubby be my grandpas? because they're nice and play with me  
darnold: oh my god they're a found family  
joshua: if uncle tommy is friends with my dads, and that makes him my uncle... if you're friends with him does that make you my uncle?  
darnold: what!?  
darnold: uh. no.  
joshua: what if you... what if you kissed uncle tommy like my dads kiss. would you be my uncle then?  
darnold, who really wants to kiss tommy: you need to drop this right now.

tommy calls darnold like "hey i'm babysitting joshua..... do u wanna come hang with us and sunkist at the park?" because tommy always likes to bring josh to earth to hang and while they're sitting josh looks at sunkist and says "i like when you have wings:(" and tommy has to play that off  
someone comes up to them like "ur son is so cute" and they choke on their sodas  
tommy: oh! n-no! this is just my friend's kid, we're- we're babysitting  
person: oh... well you're still a cute couple  
(tommy and darnold short circuit)

benrey: i'm going to drop the kid out of god heaven  
gordon: benrey if you do that we're getting a divorce

sunkist is the perfect dog! patron dog of gods and patron god of dogs! she's a good girl she sleeps in tommy's bed and she has angel wings because she is the perfect dog. she loves cuddles and she absolutely adores josh she loves to take care of him and sometimes refuses to let gordon or benrey get their baby  
josh once tripped over sunkist's tail and started crying and sunkist got so upset that while gordon was holding josh trying to calm him down she kept pressing her head into them

josh: (rambling about cowboys)  
tommy: uh, are you gonna tell him that-?  
gordon: no

joshua is like 8 years old when coomer accidentally lets it slip that gordon's only a god because he died and he doesnt stop crying  
gordon, outside josh's door: josh please let me in  
josh: no!!! you didn't tell you were mortal once!!! and you died!!! i don't want you to die again!!!  
gordon: josh i can't die anymore  
josh, sobbing:  
gordon:  
gordon: (big sigh)  
gordon: josh. did you know that. when i was a mortal. i was. a. cowboy.  
josh: :open_mouth:  
josh, opening his door: you were a cowboy!?  
gordon: damn it

tommy when they invented soda: you guys will not believe what i found

bubby: i'm the greatest pyromancer alive  
darnold: why haven't i ever heard of you then  
bubby: i'm sure you have  
tommy:

darnold: oh hey, that picture kinda looks like gordon, right?  
josh: like my daddy!  
tommy: huh  
tommy: (takes a picture)

for some reason whenever tommy is on a date and they Need to Get Him Immediately it's always gordon's job to get him back. like there's a skeleton sighting and gordon has to go get tommy and he's just like, "your house is on fire..... no. no that's not right. uh,,,...... benrey broke his arm? and has three hours to live? um, scratch that last part, actually. his arm IS broken though!" next time tommy brings benrey down darnold is like "glad to see your arm is doing better" and benrey goes "whuh"

gordon: you know you're gonna have to tell him eventually, right?  
tommy: i've never told anyone anything and i don't plan on starting now

gordon was like actually cool in life. like he helped people and stuff! and now 300 years later all that happens is that benrey calls him a dilf sometimes

in the god au there are RUMORS of a new god because gordon was like on the line with his follows and benrey started dangling josh upside down and gordon was like "DO NOT DO THAT TO OUR SON WHILE I'M WORKING" and promptly hung up on them

scrapped concept for the skeleton reveal  
benrey: uh i  
benrey: i think your hair is nice  
gordon:  
benrey: um but you know that  
benrey: can you put your glasses on and look at me, please? i wanna... wanna talk.  
gordon: benrey. we should sleep.  
benrey: i don't wanna keep secrets anymore, man. i... i love you and i wanna try.  
gordon: you're serious?  
benrey: i... yeah. i like already feel bad enough about, the whole...  
gordon: we've talked about that. it's in the past.  
benrey: i KNOW but...  
benrey: but you're here and i don't wanna hurt you anymore but it's hard to talk about bad things and you're such a good thing and i'm...  
benrey: i'm scared.  
benrey: i've never talked about this bro. it's bad to think about.

bubby, 1000 years after the "skeleton incident": huh. those bitches down there finally reinvented medicine

tommy: okay  
tommy: i might be a little bit  
tommy: divine  
darnold: like a god?  
tommy: yeah  
darnold:  
darnold: i have kissed a god

bubby's god au designs get progressively taller through the years not because he's aging, but because he keeps getting higher heels  
coomer: please stop wearing heels i lost the ability to kiss you three inches ago  
bubby: fashion over romance

coomer: when you're so tall i can't kiss you  
bubby: i'll lean down just ask  
coomer: :heart_eyes:

darnold: if you're gods why do you need glasses  
bubby: i don't know why do you need to breathe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im gay and stupid
> 
> still check out my tumblr please  
> https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/


	11. New Normal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things calm down. Darnold adjusts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longest chapter yet

Darnold has a whole day planned. Probably make some eggs for breakfast, but if he’s not feeling up to it then toast. Once he’s ready for the day, he’ll do a quick inventory of his potion-making supplies, and if he desperately needs anything, he’ll pick it up when he stops by the store later. Then, when all the groceries are put away, he’ll have a quick lunch and settle down for a nice bit of research, working the rest of his day away.

Sure, it’s not exciting or magical or whatever. Darnold’s almost positive Tommy and his friends are having a way more interesting day than he is (he’ll ask when they text later), but it doesn’t really matter! It’s a nice, quiet day, and he’s very much looking forward to it.

But maybe Darnold should have realized his day wouldn’t go so good when he woke up at three in the morning to his phone buzzing. Blearily, he reaches over to check, just in case something’s gone sideways again.

_Unknown Number: Hey_

Darnold can’t contain the sigh that escapes him. Just some random number, who cares? He mutes his phone and rolls back over in bed.

If that had been the end of it, then maybe Darnold would have still been able to have the day he wanted. Just some weird middle of the night texts from what was possibly a wrong number, a very normal thing! But Darnold should have known he threw normal things out the window the day he met Tommy.

Not long after sunrise, Darnold is rudely awoken by a whole other person manifesting in his bedroom out of thin air. And yeah, Tommy’s been using his powers around him for a few weeks now, but the man was sleeping for goodness sake!

Naturally, he reacts by screaming and falling out of his bed.

“Wow,” the voice remarks, and hang on a second that sounds more familiar than a burglar would. “That was embarrassing for you.”

Darnold peeks his head over the side of the bed, confirming his suspicions that the intruder is just Bubby. While it does raise questions, he’s comforted by the fact that he’s probably not going to die here.

In the few times Darnold and Bubby have met, they never really hit it off enough to warrant Bubby barging in without so much as a warning. Especially after the whole godliness reveal, it only led to their interactions getting a bit more stilted.

Darnold feels like he’s warranted to speak up for himself, though. “What are you doing in my house?” he demands, getting off the floor.

“Uh, this is an apartment,” Bubby corrects him. “Also put on a shirt, what the fuck?”

“I was sleeping! In the privacy of my home!” Darnold argues, but he does grab his discarded shirt from the night before and slip it on. “You can’t just come here without telling me…”

“I texted.”

Darnold blinks for a few seconds, before remembering the strange text from the night before. Taking his phone from his bedside table, he looks back at his messages.

_Unknown Number: Hey_  
_Unknown Number: This is Bubby_  
_Unknown Number: Look we need to talk_

Darnold looks up from his phone towards the god in front of him.

“It’s really rude of you not to respond to my messages,” Bubby says, as if Darnold wasn’t asleep less than five minutes ago.

“Did you… need something?” Darnold questions, desperate for at least some context.

“Well, now that you mention it…” Bubby taps the side of his face, smirking. “You’ve been dating Tommy for a bit, haven’t you?”

What?

Darnold struggles to make sense of whatever the fuck is happening. Because this can’t be what he thinks it is, right? “A-about a month, yeah,” he confirms, nodding.

“Yeah, good. Good for you two.” Bubby’s disinterested look betrays the fact that he just technically broke in to have this conversation, instead inspecting his nails like an asshole does.

For a brief second, Darnold almost convinces himself that one of Tommy’s eccentric family members just rudely interrupted his last few minutes of morning sleep. But really, he knows better.

Bubby’s hand erupts in fire. “Just remember us before you try anything you might regret, okay?”

And just as suddenly as he appeared, Bubby disappears.

After a moment of just staring at the place Bubby stood in absolute fear, Darnold finally finds the words with which he can voice what he’s feeling.

“What. The. Fuck.”

☆○☆○☆

Despite being rattled by the encounter he started his morning with, Darnold presses forward. He dresses casual, since he doesn’t really have anything important planned, and he writes down all the groceries and potion ingredients he needs on his phone. As he's locking his apartment behind him, Darnold hears someone clear their throat.

"Oh my, what a coincidence to see you here, Darnold!"

Darnold turns to see Coomer approaching from down the hallway. Damn, they’re all coming out of the woodworks today, aren't they?

"A coincidence to see me in my own apartment building?" Darnold asks, but Coomer ignores him.

"Tell me," Coomer throws an arm around Darnold, pulling him in. "You've been treating our Tommy well, right?"

Oh fuck. Again?

"Yeah! Of course!" Darnold insists. The mere implication that he might be mean to _Tommy_ , of all people, offends him deeply.

"Excellent! That's wonderful to hear!" Coomer's arm tightens ever so slightly. "You know what would happen if you were disrespectful, don't you?"

The surge of anxiety that runs through him only leaves Darnold enough brain power to nod weakly.

☆○☆○☆

Darnold is trying very hard to compare the prices on these packs of soda. Ever since Tommy has started hanging around his home more, he’s found that he goes through soda way faster, so the twelve-pack makes sense initially. But looking at the price for a six-pack, it's more than half the price of the twelve-pack. Darnold feels like he’s in some second-grade multiplication problem, because no matter how long he stares at the prices, he can't figure out which one is the better purchase.

What the fuck is happening to him? Getting the shovel talk from immortal gods is totally fine and normal, loads of people have probably had this happen before! Because Tommy’s lived five centuries now, there's no way he hasn't had other partners. And he'll be around long after Darnold's gone, which is the funny part. No matter how loved he feels, no matter the love he gives in return, Darnold knows he's just going to be a blip in Tommy's life.

He's nothing compared to Tommy.

Darnold's pretty sure he's going to hell when he dies, if only because his death will make Tommy sad. And Bubby and Coomer have made it very clear what will happen if he makes Tommy sad.

Maybe that's why he's having such a hard time figuring out which soda to buy! Which no other person can say, really. The emotional toll of two vaguely threatening interactions with literal deities has left him unable to do basic division.

“You’re not… okay.”

It’s a simple statement of fact, but Darnold’s caught unaware by the figure standing next to him now. Damn it, he didn’t even hear this person come up on him. Now some stranger’s found him almost having a panic attack over soda. This day is just perfect!

“You should try, sitting,” the stranger says. “Rest a moment.”

Darnold’s not really in a mindset to protest right now, and hey, taking a load off doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Of course, the only thing around to sit on is the floor, so he ends up leaning against shelves lined with chips, his legs drawn to his chest.

The stranger sits next to him. While Darnold’s more focused on his breathing, he keeps checking in on him. Asking questions, making sure he’s doing alright. It’s nice, comforting almost, which is weird because the way this man talks sounds like the words don’t fit in his mouth.

Eventually, Darnold feels his heartbeat slow (it’s still quick, but not near as fast as it was before) and his breaths become more even. He takes a moment to actually look towards the stranger next to him, and comes to the realization that he’s more familiar than not. Fuck, this guy looks a lot like Tommy.

Wait. Hang on.

“Crap, you’re Tommy’s dad, aren’t you?” The question slips out of his mouth without him meaning to ask it. Not _exactly_ what he wanted to say, but it’s out there now!

He just laughs though, something that sounds both genuine and strained. “Well, yes,” he smiles. “But you can, call me Gman.”

Despite his warm demeanor, Darnold can’t help but be embarrassed. “I, uh. I didn’t think I would meet you like this, sorry-”

Gman holds a hand up. “Don’t apolo...gize. You needed help, and so I, offered it.”

Now that he mentions it, Darnold notices that the world has a slight blue tint to it. And that person at the other end of the aisle has been staring at the bag of chips in their hand for a very long time (not that Darnold can judge, given what just happened).

“Did- what _did_ you do?” Darnold asks.

“I simply froze, time,” Gman explains. “You’re very important, to my son, so I thought I should let you have a moment to. Collect yourself.”

“Thanks,” Darnold nods, standing. He awkwardly scratches the back of his neck. “Um, that really helped.”

Gman follows stands as well, and fuck, Darnold thought _Tommy_ was tall. This guy might just be the tallest person Darnold’s ever met.

“I’m glad,” he grins, but Darnold can’t help but feel uncomfortable about the way he’s eying him. “If it’s alright, I would like to, get to know you, Darn...old. You are, after all, _close_ , with my son. We can speak as you… continue your shopping”

Without thinking, Darnold says yes.

☆○☆○☆

Grocery shopping with a god from the beginning of time actually isn’t that bad! He has opinions about how human food has evolved and re-evolved over the years, and it’s quite fascinating to hear about. It gives him a few cooking ideas, but more importantly, Darnold realizes that Gman is actually quite a nice dude, despite appearances.

They’re discussing Coomer and Bubby’s recent appearances as they approach Darnold’s apartment. Gman does pick up on Darnold’s anxiety, and he does his best to assure him that, given what he’s seen today, it’s unlikely that he’ll ever hurt Tommy on purpose.

The meaning of that is lost on Darnold for a second. That isn’t just Gman being nice, that’s approval from his boyfriend’s father! Holy fuck! Holy shit! Tommy’s dad likes him! This is a huge win for him!

“Besides,” Gman says after finally entering Darnold’s apartment. “I don’t think they, meant it as much as, you think they did.” There’s a smug look on his face, like he knows something Darnold doesn’t.

Darnold tilts his head, but his confusion practically disappears when Gman places a hand on his shoulder.

“It was, wonderful meeting you, Darnold,” Gman tells him. “Maybe we will speak, again sometime.”

And with that, Gman disappears.

☆○☆○☆

Doing research today seems like it’s off the table. Not because yet another god has descended from the heavens to grace Darnold with their presence, but because mentally, Darnold is _spent_. He tried to crack open some old alchemical book he has on loan from a library three hours away, but his head just couldn’t process the words he was reading. Fuck, he really only got his groceries done today, and he barely did that.

So Darnold lays face down on his couch. He’s glad he cleaned this thing off, he’s not sure what he would do without it right now. It’s so comfy, maybe he can play some old DVDs he has.

The doorbell rings.

Given the trend of visitors today, Darnold is _not_ surprised to find Gordon and Benrey on the other side of the door. In fact, he’s more surprised that Joshua isn’t with them. Someone must be babysitting.

“Oh, hey,” is all Darnold can think to say.

“‘Hey?’” Gordon asks. “The Gods of Chaos and Order come to your house personally, to see you just say, ‘oh, hey’?”

“Yeah,” Darnold shrugs. “I’m, uh, I’m used to it.”

Gordon snorts, “Okay, fine.” He’s very clearly trying to keep a serious face.

“Look, uh,” Benrey gets between the two of them. “You’re like dating our friend Tommy, and we just wanted you to know that-”

“Stop,” Darnold begs. While he’s more or less recovered from the first two shovel talks, Darnold’s not sure he’ll survive a third, especially with two people giving it. “Please, whatever you’re about to say, I promise I’ve heard it before.”

“Yeah, it seems like it,” Benrey jokes. Before Darnold can ask for clarification, Gordon’s already elbowed him, snickering.

“Okay, then let’s just say ditto, yeah?” Gordon asks.

Darnold sighs. “Sure. I’m gonna go watch _Star Trek_ now, so please-”

“What’s _Star Trek_?”

Darnold stares down at Benrey in shock. There’s no way. There’s no way this infinite God of Chaos has never heard of _Star Trek_.

“You don’t… you’ve never heard of _Star Trek_?” Darnold manages to say.

“I haven’t either,” Gordon chimes in.

Hm. Fuck it. Might as well.

“Do you want to come watch it with me?” Darnold offers.

☆○☆○☆

It’s very late when Darnold’s phone buzzes. Gordon and Benrey left hours ago, but Darnold’s been continuing his binge of _Star Trek: The Original Series_ without them. His eyes are practically aching at this point, but what is he supposed to do, just get up and go to bed? Not when he has a text message, obviously.

_♡☆Tommy☆♡: Hey, are you awake?_

_Darnold: Yeah what’s up_

_♡☆Tommy☆♡: Darnold!?!? I didn’t think you’d answer!!!_

_Darnold: I’m watching Star Trek can’t stop_

_♡☆Tommy☆♡: It’s really late!!_  
_♡☆Tommy☆♡: You should go to bed… :(_

_Darnold: Ok_  
_Darnold: So should you?_  
_Darnold: Doesn’t heaven or whatever work on the same timezone as me?_

_♡☆Tommy☆♡: Actually it’s an hour back_  
_♡☆Tommy☆♡: But that’s kind of why I’m texting you_  
_♡☆Tommy☆♡: I can’t sleep :(_  
_♡☆Tommy☆♡: And I was wondering if I could maybe come spend the night?_

_Darnold: oh_

_♡☆Tommy☆♡: No pressure!_

_Darnold: It’s just_  
_Darnold: I mean, isn’t it dangerous for you down here? With like the skeletons and everything?_

_♡☆Tommy☆♡: Oh!_  
_♡☆Tommy☆♡: Well, I was talking with everyone, and they said it should be fine if I put up some wards on your apartment?_  
_♡☆Tommy☆♡: If you’re okay with that!_

_Darnold: Yes!!!!!!_  
_Darnold: We can snuggle and watch Star Trek together!!!_

_♡☆Tommy☆♡: Darnold, it’s like 2 am down there! I’m dragging you to bed! >:(_

_Darnold: :(_

☆○☆○☆

The moment Tommy appears in Darnold’s apartment, he scowls.

“Has my- has my family been here recently?” he asks.

Darnold, who’s still laying on the couch, blinks. “Uh.”

“Because there are already, like, five different wards on your apartment,” Tommy reveals. “These- these weren’t here last time! How did they do this so fast?”

“I may have had a few visitors?”

Tommy gives Darnold a look and sighs. He shuts off the TV. “Alright, time for bed.”

“No! Leonard Nimoy Spock!” Darnold cries out.

Darnold is half carried, half pulled into his bedroom. Fuck he’s exhausted; he practically collapses onto the bed. He would have drifted off immediately if he didn’t feel Tommy climb into bed next to him. Sleepily, Darnold reaches out and wraps his arms around Tommy.

For the briefest of moments, Tommy hesitates. Then, he pulls Darnold in close and kisses the top of his head.

“I love you,” Tommy says.

“I love you, too,” Darnold mumbles back.

Darnold doesn’t feel like nothing right now. He feels like everything to Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a nice chapter to get us used to darnold pov
> 
> [here's my tumblr](https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/)


	12. You Weren't Doing Anything, Anyway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussions about death and immortality and dogs and heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: discussions of past character death, and also an actual kidnapping at the end (vague descriptors, not much detail)

_Star Trek: The Original Series_ only lasted them a few months of binging. Over time, their little movie gang grew (Bubby was especially interested in the prospect of a show about space travel), until eventually Darnold found himself regularly hosting the majority of a pantheon in his living room. Apparently, only really getting into media these past three years (and even then, only children’s movies because of Joshua) means that you miss a lot of the classics, and Darnold is happy to provide.

But, well, Darnold’s not sure _All Dogs Go to Heaven 2_ is a classic. But they watched the original last week, and Benrey was very excited about a sequel. Though it’s kind of weird they’re watching an animated film meant for kids when Joshua isn’t around. Sunkist is on babysitting duty, and even knowing her, Darnold’s not sure you should leave that job to a dog.

Tommy is sitting in the middle of the couch, and Darnold’s leaning against him, somewhat tired. Bubby is on Tommy’s other side, with Coomer sitting on the floor by his feet. Gordon and Benrey are also on the floor, holding hands. They don’t get very far into the movie before it’s completely forgotten about.

“Huh, memories,” Gordon remarks offhandedly as Charlie Sheen dog shows his friend Itchy around heaven.

Darnold, who turned his brain off when they chose this movie, takes a few seconds to process that. “What do you mean ‘memories’?”

Gordon laughs, more awkward than funny. “Oh, uh. Just reminds me of when I ascended. Getting shown around and all.”

“It was- it was exciting!” Tommy chimes in. He subconsciously pulls Darnold a little bit closer. “I was the youngest for three-hundred years! And then- then you were there!”

“The dying is also reminiscent of back then, isn’t it?” Coomer says.

“ _Yeah_ ,” Gordon winces, bringing a hand to his chest. “That wasn’t much fun.” Benrey shifts next to him.

“Wait, wait,” Darnold interjects, sitting up suddenly. “You’ve _died_ before?”

Bubby startles. “Crap! I keep forgetting you’re here.”

Darnold fights the urge to remind Bubby that they’re in _his_ apartment right now, because that would shift the conversation way too much.

“Yes, Gordon has died before,” Coomer explains. “In fact, so have my dear Bubby and I! It’s how we all reached godhood in the first place.”

“Geez, have a bit more tact?” Gordon requests, Benrey silently nestling into his shoulder.

Coomer appears sheepish. “My apologies, Gordon. It’s simply been so long since we’ve had someone to explain things to. You force us to filter ourselves around Joshua!”

“Yeah, because you’re gonna tell him I died! The kid is three, he doesn’t need to know that!” Gordon gestures to the TV. “Can we please just watch the movie?”

Benrey nods. “You might, uh. Die in this one, too. Gotta make sure, keep an eye on it.”

“The movie? _All Dogs Go to Heaven 2_?” Gordon asks, and though he sounds somewhat offended, he still chuckles. 

“Mhmm,” Benrey says, mostly into Gordon’s shoulder. Fuck, they’re overly affectionate, but Darnold isn’t really in a position to judge considering he was just two seconds away from falling asleep against Tommy.

“But that- that happens?” Darnold asks. “Like, people die, and then they become gods?”

“Well, it happened, past tense,” Bubby clarifies. “It’s just the three of us, and Gordon died _centuries_ ago-”

“Don’t exaggerate, it was two and a half-”

“ _Ages_ ago, Gordon!” Bubby cuts back in. “You’re ancient now! Just like the rest of us!”

There’s no way they’re serious, not with the big grins spread across their faces. While the two of them continue to play-argue, Tommy wraps his arms around Darnold and hugs him tightly. And maybe he’s a sucker for Tommy, but Darnold hugs him right back.

“Don’t worry,” Tommy assures him. “I’ve- I’ve never died, and my lifespan is infinite.”

“Alright,” Darnold puts off internalizing that for later. “Actually that, uh… that makes me feel better about you going off to fight those Skeletons, sometimes.”

Darnold doesn’t miss the way Tommy grimaces. “Well…”

Dranold draws himself back. “Tommy no.”

“Skeletons _can_... permanently kill us,” Tommy admits, not meeting his gaze. “They’re really the- the only thing that can.”

“Okay, fine, great,” Darnold rubs his face with his hands. “Let’s just watch _All Dogs Go to Heaven 2_ now, please? No more god talk.”

“I agree,” Benrey says from the floor.

Gordon finally looks back at the TV. “Fuck, we’re gonna have to rewind. I have no idea what’s happening.”

If Darnold gets a little more snuggly than usual during the movie, Tommy doesn’t say anything.

☆○☆○☆

“Psst, Darnold. You missed the ending.”

It’s not the words that wake Darnold up, but rather the finger annoyingly poking his face as he rests. He swats Benrey’s hand away from himself before sitting up groggily.

“Aw, Benrey,” Tommy laments, and Darnold notices that he was sleeping with his head in his lap. “You- you woke him up!”

Darnold groans and leans back against Tommy, eying the dark outside his window. “How long was I sleeping?”

“It’s ten.” Tommy places a hand on Darnold’s further shoulder. “The- the movie ended an hour ago, but…”

Faintly, Darnold can hear voices, Bubby and Gordon, having yet _another_ debate in his home, which is fine. They’re in the kitchen, where he’s pretty sure they either have or are in the process of eating all his snacks.

“The dog played the system, he deserves his happy ending!”

“Charlie B. Barkin is a death criminal and will go straight to hell when he dies!”

“The movies are called _All Dogs Go to Heaven_ , Gordon! Not _Some Dogs Go to Hell_!”

“He was going to hell in the first one, wasn’t he?!”

Benrey shrugs. “They’ve been, uh… talking about it since the movie ended.”

_Crack!_

“Oh shit.”

“Gordon! You distracted me!”

“ _I_ distracted you!?”

“You think I would break our new friend Darnold’s tableware on _purpose_?”

“No, it’s-!”

Darnold was on his feet the second he heard the breaking ceramic, skidding into his kitchen with Tommy on his heels. Bubby is standing at the sink, his efforts to wash the dishes from movie night halted by him gesturing to the shards of plate on the floor next to him. Gordon and Coomer, meanwhile, are sitting at the table, sharing a bag of chips.

“Aw, crap, are you okay?” Darnold starts to make his way to the broom closet behind Bubby. “Let me-”

“Hold it!” Bubby stops him after just a step. Tommy places a hand in front of him on instinct alone. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to walk around broken plates barefoot?” He points at Darnold’s socks.

“I’m wearing socks! And I was going around anyway!” Darnold argues, but Bubby won’t hear it.

He shakes his head solemnly. “There’s no way we’re risking that. You’re just going to have to tell Gordon where the broom is so we can sweep it up.” He grabs a paper towel from the counter, drying off his hands.

“What? Why me!?”

Coomer smiles. “You’re partially responsible, Gordon!”

Darnold points at the closet behind Bubby. “In there. There’s a broompan, too.”

Gordon grumbles as he retrieves the cleaning supplies from the closet. At that moment, Benrey finally pokes his head into the kitchen.

“Oh yo, Gordon. Why’d you break that plate?”

“BENREY!”

☆○☆○☆

They all sit around the kitchen and chat for a few minutes, the topic of morality in the _All Dogs Go to Heaven_ cinematic universe thankfully shelved for another time. Darnold even joins in the snacking, though only a few chips. The conversation is nice, at least until it abruptly ends when Gordon notices the time.

“Fuck, I don’t wanna pay Sunkist overtime,” he sighs. “It was nice seeing you, Darnold. Later.” With a wave, Gordon disappears.

Benrey blinks for a few seconds. “Peace,” he finally says, before following suit.

“We really should be letting you head to bed,” Coomer realizes, and Darnold lets him think he has a normal sleep schedule.

“Get more of those chips,” Bubby orders him. Darnold knows him well enough at this point to know that means he had fun. Coomer and Bubby disappear together, leaving Darnold and Tommy alone in the apartment, leaning on the kitchen counter.

“They’re- they’re not too much, are they?” Tommy rests his head against Darnold’s.

“Tommy, your family is wonderful,” Darnold grins. “I like them.”

“G-good,” Tommy stands, walking a few steps forward. “They like you, too. They won’t stop talking about- about you.”

“You’re not staying the night?”

Tommy shakes his head. “I got- I got a lot of work to do. And I should check on Sunkist…” Darnold feels that surge of love again, the look in Tommy’s eyes when their gazes meet. “But we’re still good for Thursday, right?”

“Of course.” Darnold’s thoughts are cut off when Tommy kisses him. It’s a goodbye, short and sweet. They know there will be time for something more grand in the future.

“I’ll- I’ll see you then,” Tommy says, and then he’s gone.

Darnold stares at the empty space where Tommy had once stood, lovestruck.

☆○☆○☆

It’s one AM. It’s technically Monday now, and Darnold can’t get to sleep. He gave up on white noise from his phone an hour ago, for goodness sake. At this rate, nothing’s gonna knock him out, is it?

…

Fuck it, if he’s up, he’s up. Darnold wants Powerade.

Which is why, after wincing at the glow from his refrigerator light, Darnold is horrified to see he’s out of Powerade. In fact, thinking back on it, he’s pretty sure he saw Benrey chewing on a bottle while everyone was over.

Okay. Fine. Darnold can work with this. Just throw on a jacket, some pants, and shoes and walk to 7/11. It’s like a block away, and they sell Powerade.

So that’s what Darnold does. The cashier is too tired to care about the fact that Darnold looks like he rolled out of bed, which is a win. Can’t a man drink his one AM Mountain Berry Blast Powerade in peace?

The answer is yes. Darnold takes a sip, pulling out his phone. Might as well check social media on the way home, right? Who knows, maybe there’s some fun celebrity drama happening, or something.

He doesn’t notice the boney hand until it’s already grabbed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh bye darnold i guess
> 
> [my tumblr](https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/)


	13. Tommy Plays the Discovery Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Answer your phone, please?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for, again, kidnapping. somewhat depicted.

_Tommy: Hey I was talking to Gordon!_  
_Tommy: He “suggested” I take Joshua with me next time I take Sunkist to the dog park._  
_Tommy: But I was thinking you could come too!! It’ll be fun! :D_  
_Tommy: And we met at the dog park!! But we haven’t been back in all this time!_  
_Tommy: You don’t have to, though, don’t worry!_  
_Tommy: I kind of missed talking to you, yesterday :(_  
_Tommy: It’s okay if you’re busy though!!! I totally understand!_  
_Tommy: Just_  
_Tommy: I’m starting to get worried??_  
_Tommy: Maybe that sounds stupid :( but just let me know you’re okay?_

Fuck, Tommy might be overreacting. He places his phone face-down on his desk. Darnold’s probably fine! There’s no way he isn’t! He’s just… doing something! Tommy needs to focus on work right now, not his boyfriend!

It’s the middle of the day on Tuesday, which means Tommy has a _lot_ of prayers to answer. Weekdays are always busy, and he needs to get ahead of the curve before his date with Darnold on Thursday. Which is a big one, because they’ve been dating for half a year at this point! There’s nothing wrong with a little reminiscing during work, right?

They got together in the early autumn, and now it’s spring. The weather is much nicer than it has been, which means they can start going on walks again! That was so much fun, before it got all snowy and Darnold got scared of slipping on ice. 

Tommy loves Darnold so much. He's dated before, yes, but none of his past relationships were like this. Just the act of holding Darnold's hand sends his mind spinning.

He glances at his phone.

Nope! Don't think about it! Darnold's alright, just distracted!

Tommy slumps back in his chair. The nagging part of his brain can’t help but tell him that’s not true.

☆○☆○☆

_Tommy: How do you tell someone that their kid needs glasses??_  
 _Tommy: I found a test online and I gave it to Joshua and! The results are very bad!!!! :(_

Tuesday ends. Wednesday comes and goes. Tommy doesn’t hear back from Darnold. It’s gone from “Tommy may be a bit clingy” to “Something’s wrong with Darnold”.

The exact definition of “wrong” here is what’s worrying Tommy. Maybe it’s a nice little wrong, like Darnold broke his phone. They don’t exactly have many other ways to communicate. In fact, that’s what Tommy’s choosing to believe! That everything is okay, and he’ll see Darnold when they meet up for their date.

_Tommy: I love you_

Or it could be a big wrong, the idea of which Tommy’s been trying to force out of his head nearly every other second.

The idea that something really bad could have happened to Darnold and Tommy wouldn’t know… is not fun.

_Tommy: I miss you_

Tommy watches the clock on his phone as he lays in bed, a small pain shooting through his heart every minute that goes by. He can’t sleep, he can only think about Darnold. His phone is open to their messages, and he’s just waiting for a response, a sign of life. Eventually, the time moves from 11:59 to 12:00.

It’s Thursday now.

Enough is enough. Three days without Darnold is too many! Tommy’s a little bit past giving the universe the benefit of the doubt, so he heads down to Darnold’s apartment early, fully expecting to find his boyfriend in the middle of a research bender or a similar activity.

But the apartment is dark and quiet.

Even after Tommy calls out Darnold’s name, there’s still no sound. Nobody rises from their kitchen table to greet him or rushes in from the bedroom with hugs and apologies. Every beat of silence only makes Tommy feel as though a knife is being twisted in his heart.

So he searches. The bedroom, the bathroom, but when he makes it to the kitchen, he stops. The scene is _too_ familiar, and it’s not because Tommy’s spent time in there before.

The chairs are still pushed out in the same way, there’s still an empty bag of chips on the counter. The nerves grow stronger, buzzing with a fearful energy, and hoping for confirmation that _something_ has changed at all in three days, Tommy opens the garbage can to see shards from a broken plate sitting at the top.

Darnold’s been gone for a bit.

Cool! Alright! Perfect! Just what Tommy needed today, to figure out that his boyfriend is now a missing person!

Tommy grips at his hair. This can’t be happening! Why didn’t he come by sooner?! He’s gotta be somewhere, right?! Practically everything in his chest feels like it’s ripping apart, _‘where’s Darnold where’s Darnold where’s Darnold where’s-’_

Wait a minute.

He can _do_ something about this.

Being a God of Discovery has its benefits, especially for finding things! If he can just figure out when Darnold left the apartment (with the amount of wards the Gods have placed on this place, there’s no way anything bad happened inside)…

The bed was unmade! Darnold _had_ to have slept there before he left, he always makes his bed in the morning. Tommy would know, he’s been there.

...He was planning on coming back.

Aw shit. Tommy shakes that thought loose from his head. Can’t be sad now, gotta go find boyfriend!

Tommy holds a hand out, focuses on the bed, and thinks as hard as he can about Darnold. He’s not dipping too far into the past, so this should work. It has to work, it just has to!

There’s a blinding flash of light.

It worked!

The figure isn’t Darnold, not quite. It’s just magic swirling around in the shape of Darnold, retracing his movements. But it’s close, close enough that Tommy feels a pang in his chest just looking at it.

He just wants to reach out and hold him so bad.

Actually, something’s kind of weird about this. Usually the depictions are a nice golden yellow, like all of Tommy’s magic. But something must be fucky, because the figure is a reddish orange. Tommy’s used this on many kinds of people, but he’s really only seen this happen when he tracked other Gods.

Huh. Darnold must have a lot of influence on him.

The figure turns in bed a few times, clearly awake and struggling with that fact. It gives up, getting out of bed and heading towards the kitchen. All of its actions are mimed, since it can’t actually interact with the world, but Tommy watches it, follows it as it looks in the fridge, before shaking its head and heading for the front door.

It- Darnold slips on some shoes and a jacket, and then he leaves. He left.

Tommy’s gritting his teeth the whole time he tails it, but he also feels a bit dazed. Watching the past happen in the present is a lot, especially when one is fearful of the ending.

Darnold only walked a few blocks. He made it to the 7/11 they’d been to a few times, and damn it, did he _really_ have to go on a midnight snack run?

He slips inside, which is impossible for Tommy, considering that the building is now under construction. It’s been a few days. He waits outside, waits for Darnold, when something in the alleyway catches his eye.

Some poor soul lost their phone. The case kind of looks like-

Something new is rendering into the scene, right above the discarded phone. Which usually only happens if it interacted with whatever Tommy’s tracking. As it takes shape, Tommy’s heart drops.

Skeleton.

Darnold didn’t even notice it as he left the shop. He was drinking his Powerade (Mountain Berry Blast, if Tommy had to guess), and he pulled out his phone. And just like that, while Darnold was distracted, the Skeleton reached out and grabbed him. Darnold tried to get away, he dropped his phone, and then they were gone.

Tommy’s hands cover his mouth.

No.

No, that…

That _can’t_ be right.

But Tommy knows it is. He glances back down at the phone in the alleyway. Darnold’s phone. His hands shake as he picks it up. The screen is cracked and the battery is low, but Tommy can see the notifications still.

_34 New Messages_  
_8 Missed Calls_  
_Reminder: 6 Month Anniversary Tomorrow! Buy Flowers_

Tommy has his own phone out in an instant. He doesn’t care who it is, he just picks the first contact that isn’t Darnold and calls.

“Ah, good morning, Tommy!” Coomer answers after a few rings. “Whatever could you need so late at night?”

“Things- things are bad!” Tommy’s voice cracks, tears welling up in his eyes. “Darnold’s in trouble.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little shorter this time around.
> 
> [look at my tumblr to yell at me](https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/)


	14. Weaken From the Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Do unto others the damage they have tried to do to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CONTENT WARNING, a character does sacrifice themself at the end of this. please don't read if it'll upset you.
> 
> BUT LOOK AT THE HAPPY ENDING TAG I PROMISE THINGS WILL WORK OUT

The trail is still fresh, that’s the part Tommy is grateful for. Often his powers get muddled by the passage of time, like roads fading without use, but this all happened just a few days ago. It wasn’t so long before now that he was holding Darnold’s hand while everyone chatted in his kitchen. That Darnold snuggled up to him all tired and half-asleep.

Damn it, Tommy’s worried. Darnold's gone, and tracking him from the Viewing Pool, while not impossible, is difficult. He just wants to hold him, to know he's okay and alive and breathing. Hear his voice even, Tommy misses practically everything about the way Darnold speaks.

The first light of morning comes. Coomer places a hand on Tommy's back as they search. Bubby is right by their side, squinting at every image they pull up. Gordon, Benrey, and Gman are discussing the plan of action a few feet away, but Tommy isn’t listening.

He’s so focused on the Viewing Pool. Bubby and Coomer keep shifting to different locations, known cultist hideouts they haven’t emptied out yet. Tommy casts his magic into every single one, hoping it’ll pick up on even the slightest trace. Everything feels like it’s twisting and backwards and wrong, and Tommy keeps hoping any second now, he’ll wake up and realize it was all a dream.

Something catches.

“Th-there!” Tommy almost shouts, about to cry again. “He’s there, he’s gotta be!”

☆○☆○☆

The past few days have NOT been a fun experience for Darnold, if he’s being completely honest. Like kidnapping, sure. After the museum thing, this might as well happen, right?

Except, Darnold’s pretty sure it’s not really about him. If the whispering he hears as his captors walk by is to be believed, he’s more the worm on the hook than the fish. He’s conflicted, because he’s pretty sure Tommy’s his only way out of this, but that’s what these fuckers are banking on.

There’s a deep dread in his chest, cold and icy. He’s in a cell in some kind of dungeon, which means this is an important place, since Tommy said most of the cult lives in ever-moving camps due to being wanted by pretty much every religious authority. A permanent location means that it’s too strong for the Gods to handle on their own.

The Gods. His friends now, apparently.

This is so messed up. Darnold draws his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them, pressing his face into his knees. Of course everyone is going to get hurt because of him. Because he wanted some Powerade. Now all his cool new friends and his _boyfriend_ are going to get possessed and the world will end again! And he can’t do anything about it because he’s stuck here in this cell!

He tried, after his initial panic attack, to bust out. Pulled on the bars, looked for loose stones in the wall, anything that could get free him of this cage! But after a whole day of getting nowhere, he gave up.

Tommy skidding to a stop on the other side of the bars wasn’t a complete shock, but the sight of him wearing his fancy deity garb and glowing brilliantly _does_ send Darnold’s heart fluttering.

“Tommy!” Darnold springs to his feet in an instant. Before he can say anything, warn him, Tommy teleports right in front of Darnold and hugs him so tightly he ends up lifting him off the ground.

“Oh you’re- you’re okay! Thank goodness!” Tommy shouts, and Darnold’s about to tell him that he should maybe be quiet given they’re in enemy territory or whatever. But then, Tommy teleports the both of them back out of the cell, and Darnold feels like his head is spinning.

“You found him!?”

“Tommy did you _teleport_ a mortal!?”

Darnold can hear the others approach, one of them even placing a hand on his shoulder. His brain is all fuzzy and confused, so all he focuses on his burying his face into Tommy’s chest. Oh how he missed this, the feeling of holding someone and being held.

“You can’t just teleport a mortal around willy nilly!” Bubby scolds. “We’re gonna have to carry him out of here!”

“I was doing that anyway!” Tommy squeezes him tighter. Darnold smiles at being able to feel his voice in his chest.

“Hey, Darnold,” Gordon says softly from next to him. “You okay?”

Darnold’s eyes shoot open. Fuck, he can’t be getting all soft and sweet right now! They’re all in danger! This place is _crawling_ with cultists!

He looks up at Tommy, fear palpable in his eyes. “You guys gotta leave,” Darnold says, clutching the back of Tommy’s shirt. “Like right now. If you can’t teleport mortals, leave me.”

Tommy counters, “Wh- Darnold, we just- we just found you! I’m not leaving without you!”

“No, guys!” Darnold shrugs Tommy’s arms away, still a bit wobbly on his feet. He turns to face the others, and it’s actually the first time he notices who’s actually on this rescue mission. Coomer, Bubby, Gordon, and Benrey. “You realize this is a trap, right? They’re using me as bait.”

“They can _try_ to get us!” Coomer flexes. “Don’t you forget, you’re with the physical forms of five different Gods!”

Bubby nods, adjusting his glasses. “Nobody left behind.”

“What they’re saying is,” Gordon interjects. “We know it’s risky, but we’re strong enough to get you out of here.”

Benrey gives a thumbs up.

Tommy takes Darnold’s hand in his own. The smile he gives him is so warm and comforting, and it only adds to the happy swirling feeling in Darnold’s chest. They’re going to be fine, all of them, because why wouldn’t they be? Nothing’s ever taken them down, before.

“Alright. Which way do we go, then?” Darnold asks.

Everything will be okay.

☆○☆○☆

Things don’t end up okay.

Since the mission is mostly stealth, they didn’t really have an opportunity to get the cell keys before they found Darnold, so teleportation was really their only option. Still, Tommy clearly feels bad about its negative effects on his mortal boyfriend, hovering by Darnold’s side and offering himself to lean on should he need it. It’s very sweet, he loves him.

Darnold does feel a little underdressed though, considering everyone else is wearing their fancy God outfits and he’s still wearing his pajamas and hoodie from three days ago. Curse his late night Powerade run!

“This doesn’t look familiar,” Bubby proclaims when they enter a large room.

“Well, it’s not like we came in the entrance,” Gordon turns to face the rest of the group. Darnold’s about to make a comment about how they’re leading him nowhere, apparently, when Gordon suddenly and frantically points to the back, towards Bubby and Coomer. “Behind you!”

Darnold barely gets a chance to spot Bubby and Coomer dodging the Skeletons before Tommy shoves him through the nearest door.

“Hide!” Tommy’s hand linger for a brief second, tangled with his own, before he pulls it away. “We’ll- we’ll find you after!” He slams the door shut between them.

The trap has been sprung. Darnold can’t move, too paralyzed by the crashing and breaking sounds from the other room. Fuck, that was a huge amount of those boney freaks! His boyfriend is in there, his _family_ and he can’t do anything about it! He’s alone in a hallway! He’s scared of confrontation, fuck, he’s scared of slipping on ice! Why is he so scared of everything!?

The world tints itself blue in the blink of an eye.

Oh, right. Gman, Tommy’s dad. He must still be up there, looking down from above, freezing time, and…

And helping Darnold escape.

Darnold takes a deep breath. Okay, he’s looking for a hiding spot now, and with time conveniently stopped, he doesn’t need to worry about being sneaky or accidentally running into a cultist. Like the world’s worst game of hide and seek.

He gets a considerable distance before he begins looking in the side rooms. He immediately ducks out of the ones that have people in them, because _that’s_ no good!

But there’s one room that gives Darnold pause. Mysterious liquids suspended mid-brew, a variety of ingredients the likes of which he’s only ever _dreamed_ of seeing, dozens of empty bottles… He found their alchemy lab.

A terrible idea worms its way into Darnold’s head. He remembers how when he threw the rock at the Skeleton at the museum, the slight crack that appeared in its skull. And not to discredit his throwing arm, but Darnold knows he can make a potion infinitely more powerful.

He tells himself that if they don’t have the ingredients he needs, he’ll just go back to hiding. If they do, he’ll make the potion, throw it in the middle of that battle, and save the day! The brewing will be the easy part, of course, the danger of any potion comes from its ingredients.

Darnold kneels in front of their supplies, wringing his hands together as he reads labels. Slowly, every box on the mental checklist in his head gets filled, and he chokes back a sigh.

“This… this can help them,” Darnold says out loud, in case Gman is still watching. “It’ll hurt the Skeletons, but they’ll be fine. All of you will.”

Though time remains frozen, Darnold can still feel eyes on him as he works. He tries to keep his cool, maybe for his own sake, or maybe because he knows if Gman realizes what he’s doing, he’ll try to stop him.

As a final step, Darnold corks the bottle and shakes it, not unlike a bartender would for a fun and fruity drink. This potion isn’t meant to be a beverage, though.

The potion glows a dull orange as magic is infused into it. Darnold places it on the table in front of him, watching as the swirling liquid calms and the glow fades. Left behind is the both the best and the worst potion he’s ever made. His face falls into his hands, and he wills himself not to sob.

Weirdly, all Darnold can think about is _Invitation to Love_. It’s Tommy’s favorite show, and he wanted him to see it so bad. He spoke highly of the plotlines and character development, but whenever they suggested it, Benrey would make loud gagging noises and complain about stupid love shows. So it kept getting pushed back, saved for later. Darnold always promised him next time, of course they would watch it next time.

Time would make a liar of him yet again.

Darnold picks the potion back up, his grip iron tight. Every step he takes feels heavy, shaking his whole body. This sucks, this sucks so much, but… he has to do this.

He was, after all, the bait. Whether the others entered the trap knowingly or not doesn’t really matter. They’ve been struggling in the fights lately, Gordon’s actually lost before, and there were so many Skeletons in that room. They can’t win.

Darnold makes it back to the door. The world is unnervingly quiet when you’re the only thing moving. He sighs.

“I’m sorry,” Darnold admits. Fuck, he’s crying. “Make sure Tommy knows I’m sorry.”

Darnold moves open the door, but something stops him. His hand that’s clutching the potion bottle tightly won’t move, stuck in space in the same way as everything else.

“Did you just freeze time in my hand!?” Darnold tries to tug his arm free. “Please, I- I have to do this!”

But Gman doesn’t let go. This hiccup in his plan is causing him to cry even more. Things are getting dragged out.

“I can _save_ them, please! Let me do this!”

The way Darnold’s hand comes back to him is like ice melting. Slowly, he draws his hand to his chest, still holding the potion tightly.

“Thank you,” Darnold says, breathless. His chest still feels like iron. The blue tint to the world fades.

He pushes the door open

and throws the potion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [tumblr](https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/)


	15. Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is powerful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promised you a happy ending, didn't i? here it is!

The return home is not victorious. They are not smiling with each other, laughing and cheering at their good deeds. It should be a happy occasion. Instead, they are nursing their wounds, heads held low in somber silence.

“Tommy.” Gman’s already there, waiting for them. He’s by his son in an instant, brushing the hair from his face. “I apologize, Tommy, I… didn’t realize the potion would be, quite that powerful.”

All at once, the sobs rake through Tommy’s body yet again. He hugs his dad, holding onto him as though he doesn’t plan to ever leave. Gman holds him, just as he did when he was smaller, and oh how Tommy wishes for the simplicity of those days. When he was a kid, all he had to care about was learning his powers and playing games.

Everything’s so fucked now.

He just wants to see Darnold.

☆○☆○☆

As the next morning comes, there is no sign of activity from Tommy’s house, save from Sunkist’s anxious pacing. Gordon tries to ignore that.

“We should, um, have a family day, today,” Benrey says before Gordon can suggest going to check in on Tommy. “Just the three of us.”

“You, me, and Joshy?” Gordon asks, smiling a bit. The thought of their son, who’s still sleeping in his room upstairs, is enough to ease the tension for a moment. But for now, the two of them sit on their front steps, looking out at a still world.

Benrey nods. “We can watch _Toy Story 2_ again-”

“Don’t even joke about that.”

“We can watch _Toy Story 3_ ,” Benrey modifies.

Gordon scowls still, though. He’s not looking forward to introducing Joshua to another movie in the _Toy Story_ franchise. “No way. _Finding Nemo_ or nothing.”

“He’ll complain,” Benrey states.

“No he won’t!” Gordon counters. “All- Every kid likes _Finding Nemo_! He doesn’t care what movie we put on, he’s three!”

“Okay so we’re putting on _Toy Story 2_ ,” Benrey reverts their argument. “Then after we can… I don’t know, take him to the park? Let him play with other kids?”

“Are you kidding me?” Gordon sighs. “After yesterday, Joshua is never going down there again.”

Silence hangs over them at the mention of the day before’s events. Gordon takes a sip of his coffee, which he drinks more out of habit than need. After a long moment, Benrey slumps against him, glancing at their phone quickly before speaking.

“I’m getting, uh, jitter-walky,” Benrey admits, and yeah, their leg is definitely bouncing. “We have time before we gotta get Joshy up. Come with me, please?”

Some part of Gordon can’t say no to Benrey right now. He takes one last sip of his coffee, before placing the mug on the stairs beside him. “Alright,” he says, managing to press a kiss against Benrey’s head before they jump up, holding a hand out for Gordon to take.

Being the ones with a small child, Gordon and Benrey have become the earliest risers of the Gods, a fact neither is too happy about. Coomer has made remarks that Gman was the same way when Tommy was a kid, but neither of them were around to see that. They try to find their joy where they can, and if that’s walking around while everything’s quiet, then who are they to ignore it?

Their hands are locked together as they go. Benrey mostly carries conversation, since Gordon is too tired to participate as much, but he loves to hear his partner speak. Especially after yesterday, Gordon would do anything to forget about that for a bit.

As they reach the Viewing Pool, though, something catches Gordon’s eye.

“Hang on,” he cuts Benrey off, much to their annoyance.

“What? No. Listen to me please?” Benrey grabs onto Gordon’s sleeve. “Listen Benrey talk about video games?”

Gordon shakes his head. “No, Benrey. What the hell is that?”

He points at a small orange orb, about the size of two handfuls, floating above the pool.

Benrey tilts their head, lost in thought, before their eyes widen. “Oh! Yo! It’s look like you!”

Gordon is too bewildered to stop his spouse from moving forward and reaching for the orb. It floats down, resting in the space between their hands.

“What do you mean it looks like me!?” Gordon finally manages to say. “I look like a person, Benrey!”

Benrey is too distracted to look at Gordon while they speak, pushing the orb back and forth with their hands. “No, it. When you first came here, bro. You were all small and glowy and orange.” They smile. “More yellow, though. This is too red to be Gordos.”

“Wait, you mean this is a new God?”

Benrey’s impromptu stimming halts quickly, staring off into the middle-distance. “Oh.”

“You don’t think it’s-”

“We gotta- gotta get everyone.” Benrey points frantically at Gordon. “Phone! Message send!”

The sudden nature of their discovery is not conducive to Gordon sending the group chat a cohesive message.

_Gordon: COME TO VIEWING POOL NOT AN EMERGENCY BUT URGENT WEIRD THING HELP_

Benrey looks over Gordon’s shoulder as he types. “Bro they’re gonna think we’re having another kid.”

Gordon’s a little too stressed out by the prospect of another God ascending right before their eyes to actually care that much? He just rubs his face and groans at Benrey.

Coomer’s the first to arrive, dragging Bubby, who’s still rubbing sleep from their eyes, behind him. They perfectly exemplify the contrast between a morning person and not.

“Gordon, what the hell is so important that-” Bubby starts, but stops when he notices the orb. “Holy shit! That looks like small Gordon!”

“That’s what I said!” Benrey laughs, holding the orb out for Coomer to take. “You guys looked like this too, but not orange.”

Gman enters the pavilion next, but he stops in the entrance upon seeing the scene in front of him. Four Gods huddled around a mysterious glowing object, gawking as though they were kindergarteners viewing a caterpillar.

“I believe you’re right, Benrey!” Coomer examines the glowing ball. “This has got to be another ascending God!”

Bubby squints at it. “Is there a way to tell if…?” they drift off.

Gman brushes past Gordon and Benrey, getting a few annoyed grumbles in the process. “Allow me to… see this,” he says, gently taking the orb from Coomer.

In an unusual turn of events, Gordon allows himself to hope. If not for Tommy’s sake, then because in the scenario that this is what he thinks he is, then it means yesterday wasn’t that bad. They didn’t fail, not completely. They still have a chance to fix things, to save their friend, to-

It takes a second, but Gman’s discerning gaze melts into a warm recognition. “Ah. Hello, again.”

☆○☆○☆

Tommy has a rough morning. He wakes up, and for a split second, he’s living the happy life he has been for the past few months. He’ll start his day like he usually does! Brush his hair, get dressed, text his boyfriend-

Oh.

Fuck.

Actually, scratch that. No need to leave bed today. Tommy places a pillow over his face and lets it be dark.

He’s not sure how long he’s been awake. Sunkist has been in and out of his room a few times, attempting to gently nudge him out of bed, but she eventually gives up. He doesn’t know where she is now, and damn it, he doesn’t care about anything! He just wants to sleep for a million years and forget about everything that ever happened to him.

This has got to be the worst pain that Tommy has felt in the more than five-hundred years he’s been alive. How the hell is he supposed to deal with this? Darnold fundamentally changed the way Tommy lived. What now?

Tommy ignores the knocking on his bedroom door. Whoever it is already let themself into his house, so they must not care that much about his privacy.

(Which Tommy knows is stupid to think. These people are his family, they know they’re welcome in his home at any time).

The door creaks open. “Tommy?” comes his dad’s voice, though he can’t see him from under the pillow.

A weight shifts on the end of Tommy’s bed, and his father reaches for his shoulder. “I have something you… need to see.”

Despite what Gman says, Tommy can’t really bring himself to face the day, not yet. And fuck, his dad is kind of a comforting presence to him, maybe he can just go to sleep again?

“Thomas,” Gman says, a little louder. “I promise this… will help.”

Reluctantly, Tommy peeks out from behind the pillows. There, floating above his dad’s hand, is a ball of light, and Tommy’s instantly reminded of Gordon’s ascension to godhood. He looked just like that for a few days, while his soul recovered from dying, didn’t he?

But the orange is different, one Tommy has become familiar with these past six months. It’s darker, more red. Tommy sits up and takes the orb from his father, because he’s seen that shade of orange before, whenever Darnold would make a potion, right at the end, he’d infuse a bit of magic into it so it would actually work. Hell, he saw it when he used the tracking spell on Darnold! He hadn’t really had time to think about it, but the only scenarios in which the color didn’t take his own was when he was tracking the other Gods.

A bunch of half-sentences start in Tommy’s head. He’s crying again, but not out of sadness anymore.

“It’s Darnold?” Tommy asks, the words heavy and weightless at once.

Gman smiles and nods at him.

Just like that, Tommy hugs the small ball of light to his chest and falls back. Okay, forget about that being the worst he’s ever felt, Tommy’s over the freaking moon right now. His heart is soaring with relief now.

Darnold’s back! Darnold’s going to be fine! They’ll all be okay!

☆○☆○☆

For a while, Darnold isn’t quite sure what’s happening, but he’s also not aware enough of himself to really care all that much. He has vague sensations of things happening around him, like sounds and touch. It seems to pass in the blink of an eye, though, because before Darnold realizes it, he pops back into existence.

Darnold only has one second to get used to seeing and hearing again before he has to feel again, because Tommy immediately rushes forward and hugs him, pressing kisses into his cheek.

“Tommy!” Darnold shouts, but he isn’t annoyed. Sure, he’s a little disoriented, but who’s he to pass up an opportunity to get a load of affection from his boyfriend?

The others are standing around in the back, keeping their distance mostly so Tommy can have his reunion. When Tommy moves from kisses to just rambling about how much he missed him, though, Darnold decides he needs to speak up.

“Uh, what just happened?” he says, finally getting a look at his surroundings. “Where are we?”

And so, the God of Innovation gets his welcome to the pantheon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wow folks. what a ride. here's a few things i wanna say.
> 
> love sodashipping, think tommy and darnold have a cute dynamic. so when i was first creating this au, it was kind of obvious that i was going to put them in the lead, especially since i was just coming off my frenrey fic.
> 
> speaking of frenrey, though. you'll notice this fic is now in a series tag. that's right. i developed each relationship's backstory before this fic even fucking started, and you're gonna get sequels based on that. you're welcome, obviously.
> 
> tune in like tomorrow or something for interruption 2, which is just my creative process again.
> 
> [my tumblr](https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/)


	16. interruption 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything I couldn't show you last time.

bubby: it's gay to fall asleep at someone else's house  
tommy: we didn't- we didn't even do anything!  
bubby: sorry still gay

benrey coming back after messing around on earth for 50 years: hey im back what did i miss  
bubby: oh great  
coomer: hello benrey! you missed tommy's entire childhood!  
benrey: who tf is tommy  
tommy: hi!  
benrey: who tf are you?  
tommy: im tommy!

tommy definitely terrorized bubby as a kid  
gordon: but he's so nice! look at him!  
benrey, who was on a sabbatical for tommy's whole childhood and didn't meet him until he was 29: yeah man tommy is cool

yes benrey is a trickster chaos god but these last hundred years he's really settled down. got married and had a kid. he's a chaos god still but he's a lot more chill about it. like right after josh starts existing coomer is just like "you've matured quite a lot benrey" and benrey is like ??? and coomer says "well you're married and have a child now. you're a lot more grounded" and then benrey cries the whole day  
benrey: you've ruined me  
gordon: please don't say that to our infant son?  
-  
gordon: you willingly entered into this relationship! you're the one who proposed! you chose to have a kid with me! what the fuck!  
benrey: okay but coomer was mean to me today

darnold: i mean i think i have a little more right to be afraid. you guys can't die but i can  
coomer: incorrect! not only have gordon, bubby, and i all died before, we are more than capable of being killed permanently by the skeletons!  
gordon: thanks for the reminder  
darnold: wait, you guys have died before?  
bubby: yeah. how did you think we became gods?  
darnold: uh... spontaneous creation?  
coomer: nope! we were born mortals, just like you!  
gordon: i for one was mercilessly killed defending a poor old woman from being robbed.  
coomer: bubby and i died after a string of arsons in which we sought revenge on users of forbidden magic 2000 years ago  
darnold: what's death like  
gordon: excruciating. i felt my life slipping out of my body. worst experience of both my lives.  
bubby: it was quick and painless for me. i blew us up.  
darnold: wait what

darnold: so if you guys died then do you have, like... bodies? somewhere?  
coomer: not likely  
bubby, laughing: if there was ANYTHING left of us it would have rotted away a long time ago  
gordon: hmm...  
darnold: you're gonna say something fucked up aren't you?  
gordon: no! i just...  
gordon: i don't know?  
gordon: i never checked?  
bubby: i mean, it's been what, 300 years? how long does it take dead bodies to go away?  
gordon: even if i completely rotted, which, gross. i... MIGHT have a gravestone somewhere?   
gordon: i was murdered in the street. for all i know they just left me there to rot.  
darnold: i regret asking

bubby: kids these days have it so good... being able to pray to all these nice gods.... when i was alive all you could do was pray to benrey   
darnold: i literally did not ask but what the fuck

funny part of god au is that gordon is way older than he looks so it's just like  
gordon: by the time i was your age i was dead and murdered  
darnold: you want me to die? is that it?

darnold: wait... if when you can become a god by dying...?  
tommy: um, no i haven't- i did not experience the cruel embrace of- of death  
darnold: oh okay that's good  
tommy: my dad just made me... i technically only have one parent?  
darnold:  
darnold: funny, i'm no longer surprised when you guys say things!

tommy: nothing can ever kill me  
darnold: oh good... i feel a lot better about you fighting those skeletons, then  
tommy: actually, those are the only thing that can kill me  
darnold: tommy why would you say that! you know i'm on anxiety meds!

darnold, 1 am: fuck i want a powerade   
darnold, looking in his fridge: fuck no powerade  
darnold at the 7/11: fuck yeah powerade  
darnold getting kidnapped and accidentally dropping his drink: my fucking powerade!

gordon, looking at darnold's phone: dude  
darnold: !!!! give that back!  
gordon: no way! i can't believe you've got so many pictures of tommy on here man!  
darnold: give me that back right fucking now  
gordon: no i'm gonna tell my brother all about this  
darnold: y  
darnold: your brother?  
gordon: I MEAN TOMMY FUCK  
darnold: oh?  
darnold: can i have my phone back?  
gordon, giving it back: don't you fucking tell him i said that  
of course tommy does find out after darnold. you know. dies. he goes through his phone because he sad and the pics make him cry

darnold: well i guess i can tell you this now tommy  
gordon: ....no!  
tommy: ?  
darnold: well gordon and i were talking once....  
gordon: you can NOT tell this story!  
darnold: and long story short, he called you his brother  
tommy, about to start crying again: oh!  
gordon: we had a deal!  
darnold: deals over. he saw my phone already   
tommy, hugging gordon: youre my little brother!

gordon: today sucks   
benrey: why  
gordon:   
gordon: are you really asking me that?  
benrey: is it because darnold died?  
gordon: YES IT'S BECAUSE DARNOLD DIED

tommy was on gordon-sitting duty when he was still a soul thing and benrey just kept intruding like "i did this with bubby and coomer please let me hit him with a baseball bat" and tommy is like "no!!!!"  
when darnold is still a lil glowing soul  
tommy: im not gonna let you hit this one with a baseball bat  
benrey: that's fair  
gordon: what do you mean this one  
tommy: um  
gordon: tommy  
tommy: uh...  
gordon: benrey what does he mean by this one  
benrey: hah  
gordon: will one of you two please answer me!?

this is a reference to our d&d campaign so it's incomprehensible to you guys but it's still the funniest joke ever  
tommy after darnold dies, sobbing: im never gonna.... gonna dance again..... GUILTY FEET AIN'T GOT NOT RHYTHM (sobs into his pillow)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's probably more i didn't find.
> 
> and that's a wrap on this fic! more in the universe some time in the future, but for now i'm on break. later!
> 
> [my tumblr](https://crocs-are-my-writing-shoes.tumblr.com/)


End file.
